Icy Warmth
by migraine.md
Summary: Starts in New Moon. Bella jumps off the cliff, but Jacob isn't the one to rescue her, Paul is. Paul imprints, but Bella is still in love with Edward. How will she manage to choose between the love of her life and her soulmate?
1. Prologue

**A/N **I, of course, do not own any of the characters or the events in the Twilight saga books. I own my fantasies though, and that's what I'd like to share with those who decide to read this. This is my first fanfic ever, plus, English is not my native language, so I'm sorry for all possible grammar/style mistakes. I would really like to know what you think, even the critical reviews ;)

_**Prologue**_

''_Bella, you promised!'' _His soft voice echoed in my head. I couldn't help but smile. I know. I promised. Promised not to do anything reckless, to remain sane, to move on. But it was such a sweet temptation to hear his voice again, to close my eyes and picture his flawless face, face that I loved and worshiped. I was weak, too weak to resist the opportunity to make the emptiness dissappear for just a moment, letting his soothing angel voice cover the hole in my soul.

''I.. just.. have to.'' A whisper escaped my lips as I took a step forward, with a smile on my face and my eyes closed. Another step. And one more.

Each step brought me closer to the fresh smell of the ocean, with each step the taste of salt on my tongue grew more intense. With each step the banging of waves against rocks grew louder, but it didn't scare me. Somehow the bangs encouraged me, as if whispering reassuring words.

''_Bella, DON'T!'' _My smile grew even wider as I took the last step over the edge and let the gravity take me down whistling through the air.

During the flight down I heard nothing else but his voice. His charming voice, that kept reminding me of the promise I made. I kept smiling, since I knew I wasn't the only one not keeping my promises.

As I hit the surface and went under water, the voice changed. Now it was begging me to move, to breathe. My eyes popped open and I saw the most beautiful sight, the one I never hoped to see again. His goodlike features were right before my eyes, his face showing concern, his eyes pleading.

My hand moved towards him, every little part of me wanting to touch, feel his hard skin under my fingers. It came as a surprise for me when my fingertips caught nothing but water.

''_Bella, the air. Breath, please!'' _But I didn't want to move, didn't want to leave his divine being here, in the water.

''Edward..'' What I expected to be a whisper turned out to be air bubbles coming out of my mouth and shielding the beautiful sight I had in front of me. Again, I moved my arm to clear the bubbles away, but he wasn't there anymore. I spinned around in the water, just to find darkness. And then my instinct took over. With enormous vivacity I made my way up to the surface, and when I finally filled my lungs with fresh air, I felt my body relax as if thanking me for not staying under.

I swam to the shore, still smiling. The image of him was fresh in my mind, the sound of his sweet voice echoing in my head. I felt the emptiness to return slowly, I knew it would take over soon, but I would keep it away as long as I could. The rush I had jumping off that cliff was so real, so present, nothing I had done before could compete with it. Not motorcycles, not Laurant, hell, not even seeing Paul phase in front of me. I knew I'm going to do this again. Excited about repeating the jump, I continued swimming.

Then my eyes caugth a glimpse of red fire in the water. Fire? In the water? Maybe I was hallucinating, I definetely left my sanity up on the cliff, so it would be no surprise. I blinked to make the fire go away, but when I opened my eyes it was still there, only closer. I tried shaking my head when it hit me-that colour was familiar, too familiar to forget, too familiar to confuse it with something else.

Victoria.. Suddenly I felt how cold the water actually was, I felt my muscles ache, then refuse to move at all. Catching a breath I knew would be my last, I sank under the water, seeing the vampire move closer. His voice returned, begging me to move, it was louder than before, more desperate and pleading. I couldn't complain, dying with his voice in my head was such a heavenly way to die. I closed my eyes, felt my lungs beg me for air. But I didn't move, with his pleading in my head I felt prepared for anything that may come. The only emotion I felt was peace. I was calm. I was ready.

I knew she was moving closer, I felt it, I anticipated it. I even wanted it, because I knew his voice would become even louder, and if I was lucky, maybe I could even catch a glimpse of him right before she kills me. With all these thoughts going through my mind in an inhuman speed, I wasn't ready for a hot hand to grip my wrist and pull me away, I was too weak to fight the strenght of whatever was holding me, so I just let it have me, hoping that Victoria would still get to me in time. With last peace of strenght I opened my eyes, just to see the read spot moving away. I felt anger building up inside me, anger towards the warm hand that took my dream away. With these thoughts I felt my head brake the surface again, my lungs gulping the air was too much, I felt my consciousness fade away as I drifted into sweetness of nothing.


	2. Chapter One

**A/N **I couldn't help but put out another chapter today, plus this is just the beginning, it's more like an introduction. Hope you enjoy :)

**_Chapter One_**

I was having the most wonderful dream. My body felt weightless, I was floating and nothing actually bothered me anymore. I felt safe, protected and warm. I couldn't open my eyes, so maybe there was no body at all? My soul was floating towards the sun, I felt this would be the end of my pathetic human existance. I would definetely meet _him_ up there, even if he claimed to have no soul, it will be my paradise and it would not exist without him.

I felt a smile spread across my non-existing face, as I heard a voice break into my little happy world.

''Breath, damn it! _Breath_!" The voice was soft and it sounded desperate. I wanted to sooth it, tell that I'm okay, that I'm happy, that I'm leaving for a nicer place. That's when I felt pain. As if someone was shmashing rocks against my chest rhytmically. The voice kept calling me and the rocks kept hurting. When suddenly both dissappeared, leaving the pain. I felt something warm press to my moth, as the air entered my lungs, my lungs becoming alive and awakening my brain.

I coughed, the water kept pouring out of my mouth, I gulped the air. Warm arms helped me to lay in a more comfortable position. I guess I'm not dead after all if I can feel my chest hurt and my lungs ache because of the water. I also felt the warm arms wrapped around me. As I started coming to my senses, I realised the arms were actually hot, too hot to be human.

„Jake?" my voice came out so hoarse, it scared me at first.

„It's Paul. Jacob's on his way."

_Paul?_ It took me by by surprise and made my eyes pop open. I found myself looking in the warm brown eyes, those definetely weren't Jake's. But they couldn't belong to Paul, him being so arrogant and cold, especially when it came to me. The eyes I was looking in were warm and soothing. I felt better just staring in them. The eyes were staring back. I wanted to take a look at my saviour's features to make sure that it's really Paul, but I just couldn't break the eye contact. It looked like he couldn't either.

„Fuck." I heard him mumble under his breath, still looking into my eyes.

„Bella!" Jacobs' voice broke the little staring contest we were having. I felt one warm arms leave and another ones embrace me. „Thanks, Paul. You can head out to Harry's place now, Sam needs you. I'll take care of this."

I wanted to thank Paul, to say that I'm grateful or something like that, but I couldn't seem to find the right words. While I was still struggling with my thouhgts, I heard him leave and head to the woods.

„What the hell were you doing here all alone?" I couldn't help but smile at the fatherly tone in his voice.

„I just.. Uhm, wanted to know what's it like to be cliff diving." It still hurt to talk.

„And this was the best way to try it out? Have you no patience to wait until I have time to take you diving? Why do you make it so hard for me to be babysitting you?" I knew he was calming down, if he started joking around.

„Sorry, I just.. I needed to see something. I really _am_ sorry." I made an effort to make my most miserable puppy eyes.

„Sure, sure. But what if Paul wouldn't have been around?" He sighed. „ C'mon, let's get in you in something dry and I'll take you home."

Something came alive inside me at the mentioning of Paul. I guess it was guilt that I didn't even thank him for saving me. There was something about his stare that intrigued me, and I wanted to figure out what that was. The 'fuck' of his also didn't let me find my peace with Paul.

Jacob took me to his place, ten minutes later I was wearing dry clothes, cuddling up to Jake to keep warm. We were already on our way to Forks.

"What exactly happened at Harry's?" I remembered Jake telling Paul to get there and help Sam. Jacob's arms squeezed the wheel as he spoke.

"Harry Clearwater had a heart attack. The pack and Charlie are there to help Sue and the kids.

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone." I cuddled up even closer, wanting to comfort him. Maybe a change of subject would help.

„So, you're no longer mad at me?" I smiled sheepishly.

„Actually, I am. Really, really mad. I'm even wondering if I should be telling Charlie about your little adventure." He laughed as he saw the scared look on my face. Charlie would simply give me a house arrest for the rest of my life. „I'm just kidding, if the locked you up in your room and nailed down your windows, I'd probably get bored without having to babysit you all the time. In fact I... „

„In fact what?" I looked up at Jake, to see his muscles tense, his teeth clenched together, his nose sniffing the air.

„Leeches. It's not the red head, it's.. _them_." For I-don't-know-which time today my world shifted. I took a look around to see Carlisle's car in the driveway. My hand moved to open the door when Jake stopped me.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" A growl escaped his throat.

"I have to go see if everything's okay".

"You know I can't protect you there".

"But I just.. _have to". _I shaked off his hand holding me and jumped out of the car.

"Bella!" Was the last thing I heard before I ran in the house.


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N **At first, I'd like to thank those who take their time to read and review, also those who just read. Since it's my first attempt to write anything, I really appreciate the interest in my work :)

Answering _Twimore's_ question – I'd say I have two native languages – Latvian and Russian. I think my English is pretty decent, but I'm still looking for ways to improve it, and I guess attempting to write something is a pretty good and interesting way to do it ;)

About this chapter – basically, I took the plot from NM, just changed some things around to make it fit my story. And for those who are maybe eager to see Bella with Paul right away, I'd have to say that I'll take things very, very slowly, because I want to make everything look believable, and it takes some time. Hope you enjoy it :)

_**Chapter Two**_

„Bella! Do you care explaining me how you're _alive_?" I heard Alice talk, but the meaning of her words never made their way to my brain; the only thing I cared about was that she was here, I could easily touch her, I needed to make sure she's real. Without much more thinking I jumped towards her, pulling her cold, solid body in a hug. I'd probably get bruises from being so eager, but I didn't care. I held on to her, afraid to let go. She must've felt my fear.

„Hey, easy, I'm not going anywhere until I get some answers." With these words she pushed me away a little, grabbing my hand. „Gosh, you look awful, come on, let's go get you a blanket or something." She slightly pulled my arm towards the living room, I followed reluctantly. I did my best to blink as rare as I could, fearing that with the next blink Alice would disappear and I'd find myself standing in the hallway with my arm held out like a lunatic. Again, she noticed my hesitation, scooped me up in her arms in vampire speed and thirty seconds later I was sitting on the couch, wrapped up so tightly that I'd probably end up breaking some limb of mine if I tried to get out.

„I saw you jump off the cliff, and then there was nothing. Why on earth would you try killing yourself?" Finally I felt my brain start to function.

„I wasn't trying to kill myself, I was cliff diving. It helps me to.. I mean, it's really fun." It was impossible for me to keep looking into her pearcing eyes, I knew she could see right through me. „Is he.. I mean, are you all back?"

„No, it's just me. I needed to make sure you're okay. And I'm incredibly glad that you are, although I have no clue how that could've happened, I mean, you've been disappearing from my visions every now and then for a while now, then I saw you jump and after that there was a total blackness. I thought it meant you're.." she trailed on, but I perfectly knew what she meant.

„Does he.."

„No, I didn't tell anyone but Rosalie, she was tehre when I had the vision. Ed.." she saw me flinch. „I mean, he would attempt something stupid if he thought you're dead."

I felt tears streaming down my face. „So, now what? Are you going to leave me again? You know it's so unfair, you come here, bring all the memories back knowing that you'll be leaving me after all. Why would you try hurting me so much?"

Alice sighed „Well, obviously, I couldn't just sit back and do nothing about the fact that you completely disappeared from my visions. And I _had_ to make sure you're okay." I was still avoiding to look at her. „Plus, I kinda missed Forks, so I'm planning to hang out here for a while." With a wide grin on her angelic face she pulled me in a hug. I stiffened as I felt her smell my hair. She then pulled away with a disgusted look on her face. „You smell like a wet dog."

I couldn't fight back a chuckle. „Yeah, it's probably Jacob. He's kind of.. uhmm.. werewolf."

„What? So, the vampires leave and you can't help but find yourself a new dangerous playmate? Bella, hanging out with a werewolf isn't the best idea, that _thing_ is dangerous."

„Actually, it's werewolves." I emphasized the plural. „They're pretty nice, well most of them." My mind trailed off to Paul again, remembering the colour of his eyes, which, I now realised, reminded me of my own. The same warm chocolate colour, the caring and soothing look.. Damn it, I must go to La Push and thank him as soon as possible, or that stupid feeling of me owing something to him would annoy me to death. I hoped Alice didn't notice my thoughts leaving her for a while, but even if she did, she didn't say anything. „Plus, they don't actually crave for my blood, so they're maybe even safer for me than you are." I made sure to look at Alice with a smile in my eyes so that she knew I didn't mean it.

„Bella, you know we would never hurt you."

„Yeah, I'm _sure_ you wouldn't, but the read-haired bitch of yours isn't that fond of Bella." Jake came into the room with a disgusted look on his face. „I had to make sure you're alright."

„Is that the smelly, furry playmate of yours?" Alice asked me before she stood up to face Jacob. „And why would you mention Victoria?"

„She's been hunting Bella for a while now. And _we_, the smelly, furry werewolves, were here protecting her, after you and your filthy group of leeches took off and enjoyed your time without Bella doing what? Sunbathing?"

It was as if Alice never heard his comment „I didn't see her." She turned to me „I didn't see you get pulled out of the water either. You've been disappearing every now and then." With a look of realisation in her eyes she turned back to Jacob. „I can't see past you and your pack of _mutts_."

I saw Jake tense and did my best to get out of the little blanket prison Alice put me into. Jake saw my struggling and came to help me out. I stood up between the two of them.

„Hey, there's no need to get angry with each other right now. I'm safe and until you two can be in the same room without trying to kill each other, I'm kind of happy, too." I heard the telephone ring in the hallway. „Now, I'll go get that, and you can use a moment to get along." A growl escaped Jake's throat when I left the two mythical creatures in my living room, staring at each other.

„Hello." There was nothing on the other line, but somehow I knew someone was there. „Hello, who is it?" Again a moment of silence, and then I heard a sigh. Not a simple one, the one that I recognised, I've heard it so many times, I've replayed it in my head over and over again. „Ed.. Edward?" my voice came out in a whisper. The phone went dead, _he_ hung up on me. Once again, I felt my world go black as I heard my body hit the floor.


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N** Arghh, I'm so bad at wating for another day to update, so here goes the next chapter.

_**Chapter Three**_

„Get away from her; can't you see she's sweating like crazy because of you?" A growl, then something cold pressing to my forehead. Slowly I opened my eyes to see Alice leaning over me as I lay on the couch, with Jacob close to my side as well. My eyes fell shut at instant, it was too hard to keep them opened. Was that a dream, some sick hallucination of mine or did he really _call _me?

„I swear, I'm going to rip that bloodsucker limb by limb, what does he think of himself, leaving her with a hole in her chest just to call and make her faint?" Okay, so it wasn't a dream, which means my sanity is still with me. At least one nice thing for Bella today.

„He was just checking on her. He was worried."

„Yeah, right, I'm sure _he's_ the one who needs comfort."

„You just don't understand it, mutt. He cares about her. He.."

„Oh, please, cut out the bullshit. If he cared, he wouldn't have left her in the woods in the first place. He wouldn't have left her heartbroken and alone. _I _care about her, and I don't feel the urge to leave her. We can argue over who cares more, but I bet you I'll win."

Then there was silence. I wondered if Alice agreed.

I felt it was the time for me to 'wake up', apparently they didn't notice my awakening because of all the arguing and I definitely didn't want them to think I have been eavesdropping.

With a groan I opened my eyes once again.

„Hey Bells, you okay?" Jacob was on his knees next to the couch, holding my hand in his. I never wanted him to take the hand away. As well I didn't want to lose Alice's cold touch to my forehead, it was far too soothing.

„Why did he call... _me_?" If he was wondering about my death, why didn't he just call Alice, it would've been much more easier on me. Then it hit me. Alice would have _lied_. She would never put her brother in danger by telling him the truth about my death. I just didn't seem to understand why did he even care about me? Was he feeling guilty for letting me fall for him, guilty for using me the way he did. Tears came to my eyes as I realized he probably felt regret about ever meeting me. He didn't love me, that I knew for sure.

„Apparently, Rosalie told him about the cliff diving. He was just checking up on you." Alice spoke quietly as she caressed my shoulder, reassuringly.

„W-what now?"

„Now you should rest, you've been through plenty of stress today. Come on, I'll get you to your room." Jake stood up, bending over to pick me up.

„No! I'm.. I don't think I'd be able to fall asleep." Actually, I was afraid Alice would get away. I just got a piece of my family back and I wasn't gonna give it up that easily.

„The dog's right, you should have some rest. I have to go hunting anyway, I'll be back when you wake up. Though I'm not very fond of the idea of leaving you alone with _him_."

Once again Jake growled. „Right back at you, bloodsucker." How did they manage not to kill each other while I was unconscious was beyond me.

„Then you both should go. I mean, if you _promise_ to come back." The last part was meant for Alice, and Jake clearly understood that, the hurt look on his face gave that away.

„Fine. But I'm sending someone over to patrol around your house in case the red comes by. And to watch after _her_." With Jake being a werewolf and everything, I could swear I _heard_venom in his voice. „Oh, and Charlie called while you were passed out. He's staying at Harry's tonight." I winced, Charlie must feel terrible, I should be there for him now. As if Jake noticed, he added „Don't worry about Charlie, him and Billy will take care of each other. Believe me, he wouldn't want you to see him in this condition." Feeling the lump in my throat, I nodded.

„So.. I guess we better be going." Alice said calmly, then I saw her stiffen, sniff the air and turn to Jacob with a hiss. „Got another one of yours here already?"

Jake looked puzzled „I guess Sam sent someone over to check up on you. Come on." He held out a hand and rolled his eyes when I didn't move. „Come on, we've got to see who it is and I'm not going to leave you with her alone."

It was Alice's way to roll her eyes, as we stood up and went to the kitchen. Still holding my hand, Jake opened the door to the back yard and yelled. „Hey, who is it?"

I saw a gray wolf come out of the woods. I recognized the color. It had to be Paul. I wondered if his eyes were as warm in his wolf form. I felt an incredible urge to get out of Jake's grip, run towards the wolf and bury my hand in his fur, I wondered what it felt like to touch him.

A loud growl from outside made me get out of my thoughts.

„It's okay, it's one of the Cullens. She's leaving already, though. I'm going back to the rez, I guess I have some things to discuss with Sam. You'll stay here?" I didn't understand if the last one was an order or a question. Hesitantly the wolf nodded. Then I felt his gaze on me. He was too far for me to see his eyes clearly, but I knew he was looking for my eyes to meet his. Before I got caught up in the moment, I shook my head and turned to Alice.

Before I could ask, she already answered „I'll be back in the morning. You could really use some sleep." She smiled. „Oh, and stay away from the mutt." She motioned to the back yard, where the gray wolf was still standing. Her hate towards Paul somehow hurt me more than the one towards Jake. She didn't know that he _saved_ my life today. And if earlier today I was angry at him for taking me away from my dream, now I felt gratitude.

„Well then, bye, Bells. I'll be back as soon as I can." He squeezed my hand lightly before letting go. „After you, leech." He motioned to the door.

Giving me a quick kiss on the cheek, Alice went out. I saw her slowly move past Paul, his eyes fixated on her the whole time. Jake followed quickly after her, kissing my other cheek. He looked Paul in the eye as he passed him before getting into the woods. With a quick glance at me, the gray wolf got back into the shadows he came from.

Would it be smart for me to get out and talk to him? I knew I wanted to, and I knew I needed to to. But I _needed_ for him to want to talk to _me_. Which I doubted to be so, since he disappeared as soon as I was alone. With a sigh I closed the door and went to the living room. I guess I'll just wait for a better moment to thank him. Somehow I needed him to know how grateful I was about him saving my life. He was the last person on Earth I would expect to care about me. Didn't he hate since he first saw me? Wasn't he blaming me for everything that has happened? I knew from Jake that Paul was taking all werewolf stuff pretty hard, it completely messed up his life. Which means he _did_ blame me, since I was the reason for vampires to keep hanging around here. _I _was the reason of his life changing.

With the same thoughts spinning around in my head I laid down and tried to fall asleep. Suddenly I realized how tired I actually was. With Jacob and Alice around my mind wouldn't let me relax, but now than I was alone I needed to rest. Now my mind was telling me to sleep, but something else wouldn't let me. My heart didn't want me to sleep. It wanted something else. Or someone.

I sprang up from the couch and made my way to the kitchen. With a moment of hesitation I opened the door to the back yard and whispered „Paul?"


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N **Thank you for the great reviews, they're the ones to keep me going :) I start writing every chapter without an idea about how it's going to end. So basically, I don't know much more than you guys, who read it. And I'm really looking forward to see where this story will take us.

To _Twimom_ - I'm actually thinking about the next chapter being from Paul's point of view. At first I planned to write the whole story from Bella's POV, but now it seems to be quite necessary to know how _he_ feels about the whole thing ;)

To _Mmsimpy09_ - you totally got the idea of what I'm trying to do with this story. I've read many Bella/Paul imprint stories, I guess every one of them inspired me to start writing my own. I really wanted to see their relationship develop naturally, without that big shadow of imprint making them fall in love instantly and act all crazy, unlike themselves. Love _is_ much more complicated than that, and I've decided to give it a chance to grow slowly and naturally in this story :)

_xTeAmXwOlFxPaCkX_ - I wish everything was that easy :D

Oh, and also, thank you sooo much for complimenting my English, it's like honey for my ears (well, eyes in this case) :) But enough with the talking, let's move on, shall we?..

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_**Chapter Four**_

„Paul?"

I knew he heard me. A part of me hoped that he didn't though. As soon as his name left my lips, I got scared of my own enthusiasm. What would I say to him? You have to _thank _him for today, dumb-ass_. _Yeah, right, but _how_? I've never talked to the guy. God, I've never even _met_ him properly. He was the only guy in the pack I actually _feared_. I've always felt extremely intimidated by his presence, there was something about his arrogant appearance that told me to stay away from this one. And if even I, having no sense of self preservation, felt it, there really must be something dark about him. Still, here I was, standing in the doorway calling his name.

But there was no reaction from him. I guess he had no interest in seeing me or hearing my thanks. Well, that's not too bad, I'll get some time to think about what I might say. Sure, this is the best way to let things be, I was trying to reassure myself, ignoring the quiet voice of disappointment. For the second time today, I closed the kitchen door with a sigh.

Right before I would hear the door click shut, I felt it being pushed open from the outside. With a squeal I jumped back, my butt hitting the kitchen table.

„What, you call me and now you're scared of me coming?" This was the first time I actually heard his voice. I've heard him talk before, but I never actually _listened_. I was startled by the calmness of his voice, it was low and steady, I had to admit, it sounded nice. I guess I had expected his voice to have the same edge of arrogance as his appearance, but I never caught it.

The door was now fully open, with Paul still standing outside. When I called him, I kinda hoped he would come in his human form, I mean, that way we could actually have a conversation. But now that he stood in front of me wearing only the pack's brand cut-off jeans, I wasn't sure if this was the best idea. I always had a blushing problem when it came to good-looking semi-naked huge Indian guys, and now the most intimidating one of them was in my kitchen. Well, almost.

I don't know how long I stood like this. I guess it couldn't be too long, he had no reason to keep standing there, if it took me too long he would've interrupted my silence. He was obviously waiting for me to say something.

„I.. Uhmm.. I just wanted to.." My eyes met his gaze, I felt my cheeks blush even more. Gosh, he had such an impact on me, I couldn't even get out a whole sentence. Were his eyes always like this? What a stupid thought, of course they _were_, I was just wondering how comes I've never noticed that. For a moment I felt like I was looking at my eyes in the mirror, they seemed to have the same warm colour as mine. The look in them held concern, as well as his usual anger and annoyance, but there was something else, that I couldn't actually catch and understand. This time he was the one to break the contact first.

„What did you want?" Something inside me flinched at the roughness in his voice. He definitely was eager to leave, I wouldn't hold him any longer.

„I just wanted to thank you for being there today." He nodded. The same inside feeling that has been bothering me all day forced me to continue. „I mean, I know, you didn't have to do that, I actually never thought you'd be the one to save my life, I guess I never thought you'd care." I must've said something wrong, his shoulders started to tremble, I saw his hands clench into fists.

Slowly he moved towards me. „So you think I'm not human enough to _care_. Even if you are just a filthy leech lover, did you actually think I would let you _die_?" A growl escaped his throat, as he moved closer. „You think I _wanted_ to see the red head get you? You think of me less than you think of that leech of yours, who _did_ leave you to die." I saw him shaking even harder, I was too scared to answer anything.

At first my mind went completely blank, then it came alive at the mention of _him_. I closed my eyes and prayed to see him. I was in great danger with this trembling soon-to-be-a-werewolf guy in front of me, the kitchen table behind me, so I had to way to run, but the voice never came. Does this mean he was completely gone, without giving me those little happy moments of hearing his voice in my mind when it came to danger? I felt tears run down my cheeks, as I thought of the one I loved, the one that didn't care about me even in my hallucinations. Have I ever felt this miserable? The only thing I wanted was for Paul to phase and let his anger take my miserable existence away.

But it never came. I opened my eyes to see the door slam shut.

„Bells?" Jake's voice came from the hallway. I wiped the tears away right before he stepped into the kitchen. „I thought you'd be sleeping." As he came closer, he noticed the look on my face. „Did something happen? Did that piece of crap try calling you again?" I shook my head, the lump in my throat not allowing to say anything. His arms enveloped me in a warm hug. „What is it then?" I didn't answer. „Fine, let's leave it for now. C'mon, I'll put you to sleep whether you like it or not." I felt him scoop me up in his arms and carry me upstairs. Quietly I sobbed against his chest.

He put me in bed, wrapping me up in the blankets, I felt his lips press to my forehead softly. As I drifted into the sweet innocence of sleep, I heard a heart-breaking howl outside, leaving me to wonder if I really heard it or it was just the next fruit of my troubled imagination.


	6. Chapter Five: Paul

**A/N **As I mentioned earlier, I would like to have a chapter from Paul's POV. As I started writing it, it turned out to be quite long, so I broke up his thoughts into two separate chapters, which means this and the next one are all about Paul :) Hope you enjoy!

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_**Chapter Five: Paul**_

We were chasing the red head again. I knew there was no sense in doing this, the bitch would pull the same prank she did every time. She would make us run after her for a good hour or two, then head out to the ocean, where she knew we wouldn't follow. I knew she was just playing with us, trying to figure out our strategies, find our weak spots. So I didn't understand why we had to mobilize everyone when she started her little game again. If she _really_ was going to attack, she would act differently, somehow I knew I was right. But the _Alpha_ of ours seems to disagree. That prick sometimes could annoy the hell out of me by being so over cautious; if I were him, I'd...

_Paul, that's ENOUGH! _Great, now I can't even complain in my own head? I'm getting pretty bored chasing her in the same manner again and again.

_Yeah, and we're getting pretty annoyed with you whining about the same stuff again and again. You should at least come up with some new ideas, I mean, I could retell the 'Sam being a prick' story backwards in my sleep. _

_Jared, that's enough of you, too. _Wow, seems like our Alpha is getting really annoyed this time, I gotta take advantage, this doesn't happen that often.

_Don't even try, you know we have our ways to make you wanna kill yourself._ Oh, is big bad Alpha gonna show me another piece of his happy imprinted life with little, bubbly Emily?

_Actually, I had something else in mind. _Sam growled before showing me the image of that leech lover Swan slap me in Jake's back yard. I scowled, noticing that I still made Sam growl, so I guess I didn't completely lose this one.

_Oh, really?_ I heard Jacob let out a laugh before the whole pack started replaying that scene from different angles. I couldn't help but growl.

_Okay, it seems that she's going to head out to the ocean again._ And what did I tell you? _Well, since you understand our dead friend so good, Paul, you get the honor to follow her. _Once again I growled. _Embry, you stay here to back him up in case something goes out of control. _I didn't need a fucking back-up, the bitch wouldn't change her style. But no one actually listened to me anymore, they all phased out except for Embry. But he was the guy who never tried to annoy me, I had to admit, he was the one I actually _liked_ to share my mind with.

_Aww, that's so nice of you, Paul, I never thought you're such a sweetheart._Okay, I take my words back. I heard him giggle, as he stayded behind while I chased the red to the ocean. Like always, she took a quick glimpse at me before jumping off the cliff. I slowed my pace, and stood on the edge, watching the ocean with the red spot in it. I was so used to see her swim away in the same direction every time, that at first I didn't even realize she had stopped. Tensing my vision I could see she was looking at something on a cliff little lower from where I was standing. I followed her gaze and couldn't believe my eyes.

That fucking leech lover? What the hell was she doing here, on a cliff? She looked like a lunatic, her arms streched in front of her. _Embry, go find Jake and tell him his little girlfriend has gone completely insane. And it seems that the bitch has already noticed her._ Another great thing about Embry was that he never hesitated to ask stupid questions when the situation seemed to be serious.

As I heard him run away, I rushed to the cliff the crazy one was standing on. Did she just move? Fuck, she's definetely going to jump. Maybe I should just let her jump and drown, we would be minus one huge problem.

I heard Embry growl in my head. _You do that and I'll help Jake rip you apart._ With a hiss I sped up. She was almost on the edge already. If I didn't hurry up, she'd jump. As I rushed to the psycho, I felt Embry phase out, when Jake phased in just a moment later. His thoughts almost made me stop.

_Harry's what?.. _Feeling Jacob's sorrow made me flinch inside. I couldn't believe he was dead, he was a great elder, the one that helped me the most when I started phasing. I wasn't the nicest guy, but I still could feel gratitude towards those who helped me.

_You'll think about it later, go get Bella now! _That fucking little Alpha! I hated that I had to listen to this little puppy when a shadow of Alpha echoed in his voice. With these thoughts I reached the cliff she was standing on. Was the idiot smiling? I really couldn't understand Jacob's feelings towards this obviously brainless creature. Jake growled in my head as I leaped forward to catch her clothes with my teeth. I missed just an inch, the psycho was already flying down.

_I'll get her. _I phased, putting my shorts on in wolf speed, and jumped after her.

As I was in the water I instantly saw her, she was still smiling, holding out her arm as if to reach something. I swam towards her, noticing that the red head was on her way as well. The stupid girl was doing weird stuff in the water as I grabbed her and rushed to get her out. Even if she was a psychopath, I couldn't let her drown now. Being an ass, I still cared for my pack mates, her death would brake Jacob down completely.

As her head finally hit the surface, I felt her relax completely in my arms. _Great_, now I'll have to perform a CPR on her as well. I dragged her lifeless body out of the water, kneeled at her side and started doing compressions. After counting to thirty I brought my lips to hers and exaled into her mouth. Her lips felt so cold, I wondered if that was just because of my own heat or I had something to worry about.

„Breath, damn it! _Breath!_" With eagerness I started the compressions again. I thought I saw her wince right before I brought my lips down to hers again. As I moved away, I felt her inhale on her own. Well, at least she was breathing, Jacob wouldn't have a reason to kill me after all. I helped her into a more comfortable position, I felt her relaxe, obviously she felt good in my warm arms.

„Jake?"

„It's Paul. Jacob's on his way."

I guess it took her by surprise, because her eyes popped open instantly. I've never actually noticed the color of her eyes before, they seemed so familiar, the same warm chocolate color as mine, only I found hers much more welcoming. She held so much warmth in her eyes, as if it was compensating the coldness of her body. Her eyes wide as two buttons held my gaze and wouldn't let go. Hell, I didn't want them to let go, I would gladly spend my life staring into these orbs of sweetness and love. I was sure she didn't believe it was me holding her, while I couldn't believe my own luck to be the one to hold her. I felt so thankful to the red leech for choosing this day and this moment to play with us, to that prick Sam for making me follow the bitch, to Jacob who with his little Alpha voice made me do it. I couldn't imagine what would happen with me if I actually would've let her die.

As all these thoughts rushed through my mind, I kept staring at her. The surprise in her eyes made me think about being surprised myself. Why the hell would I feel so happy about her being alive? Why the hell would I care more that I had to; I had to make sure she was alive, well, she was, I should just let go, be Paul and leave, letting Jacob take care of the.. of her. What was it, that didn't even let me call her names? As her warm orbs kept burning into mine, I realized.

„Fuck." I muttered under my breath, not knowing if she heard me.

„Bella!" I've never felt happier to hear Jacob Black come along. I had to get away from that charming gaze of hers. He came and took her from my arms. „Thanks Paul, you can head out to Harry's place now, Sam needs you. I'll take care of this." This time I didn't even scowl at the shadow of Alpha in his voice. I just ran into the woods and phased. I needed to talk to Sam, _now._

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_So, what do you think? :)_


	7. Chapter Six: Paul

**A/N **Thank you for the great reviews, for a few times I've found myself looking at the monitor, smiling like an idiot :D I'm so incredibly glad that you like this :) And the reason for me updating so fast, is that once I have a chapter written, I can't wait to publish it. And since I had some free time, I used it to write, so here is the result.

As I already said, this chapter is also from Paul's POV, I must say that so far this has been my favourite chapter to write ;)

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_**Chapter Six: Paul**_

Our Alpha was an idiot, I had no more doubts. He had _smiled_ when I told him I imprinted on the leech lover. _Smiled!_ And his fluffy Emily had congratulated me. With what? Being so miserable to imprint on a pale face _plus_ a bloodsucker-wannabe? When they stood in front of me looking so damn happy, I just wanted to hit my head against the wall. Or better, hit _his _head against the wall. I could actually put that prick's head _through _the wall. I was standing there figthting the incredible urge to attack my Alpha, the guy who was actually just trying to help me; my rational mind understood that, but my temper wouldn't agree, it was ready to fight this imprint bullshit to death.

The only smart thing he had said was for me to stay away from phasing at the same time with Jacob. Fuck, I had to deal with that puppy as well. Harry's death was making everything even worse. I could swear, Seth would phase soon, loosing his father will definitely speed up the process. Another life ruined by the bloodsuckers my _imprint_ loved so much.

After finding Sam's help completely useless, I took off. I had absolutely no interest in seeing the grieving family, and I'm sure they didn't want to see my miserable and annoyed ass there either. I was sure that Jacob was with the leech lover, so it was safe for me to phase. I noticed that I _could_ call her names when she wasn't around. Leech lover! Idiot! Little brainless psychopath! I guess I got happy too soon, as I felt my inner wolf growl at the insults. That fucker was protecting the stupid girl. My _soulmate_.

I scowled. I definitely wouldn't let _that _one be my soulmate. She wasn't worth it. She was a catatonic mess; because of the leech she loved she was in pieces, and those pieces wouldn't even make one whole person. Jacob has been patiently picking up those pieces for months now, trying to put the picture back together. Why the hell didn't _he_ imprint on her? I'd rather be watching his loving thoughts of her than have my own.

I tried keeping my mind off her. I ran, and involuntarily my feet took me to the beach, the one I imprinted on. She was lying right there in the sand, with me holding her. I remembered they way she looked at me. I could swear there was no love there. She loved the _leech_, not me. I was stuck with an imprint that wouldn't even love me. Remembering her as a miserable mess in the woods the night he left her, my inner wolf flinched, but I just sighed. _That's_ what I was stuck with. A miserable pile of nothing.

No, I wouldn't let the imprint win me over. I would fight it, how hard could that be, considering that I didn't care about my imprint. I simply _couldn't_ care about the person who was the reason of me being what I am. Becoming a werewolf had changed my life completely, and I blamed _her_.

I had a decision made, now I just had to see _her_ to persuade my inner wolf to cooperate. He had to see that she wasn't worth our time. He had to _understand_.

As I arrived at her house, I felt an unfamiliar scent of bleach. There was a bloodsucker in the house, but it wasn't red. Jacob's scent was here, too, what the hell was he doing with a _leech_? I stayed in the shadows in the back yard, not knowing what to do. Then I heard him shout „Hey, who is it?"

I came out to see Jake holding my damn imprints damn hand. My inner wolf didn't like it, but I managed to shut him up. A growl _did _escape my throat as I saw the leech though.

„It's okay, it's one of the Cullens. She's leaving already though. I'm going back to the rez, I guess T have some things to discuss with Sam. You'll stay here?" The puppy was giving me commands, again. The idea wasn't that bad though, staying here I could convince my wolf to forget the girl. I nodded.

_Look how miserable she is, look what kind of a mess are you trying to make me fall in love with! Look!_ I felt the wolf trying to understand, when she looked at me. That innocent look was enough to make the fucker take her side again. Luckily, she looked away quickly, so I hoped no major harm was done.

The leech left first. She moved past me slowly, I didn't let my gaze slip away from her until she was gone in the woods. Jacob left then. He looked me in the eye as if reminding me to keep the girl safe. The stink of the leech around was enough to keep my mind off the imprint when Jake phased. I was hoping his mind was too occupied with thoughts of my fucking imprint to notice anything if I slipped.

She looked at me like she wanted to say something, so I retired. I heard her close the door with a sigh.

I phased back to my human form and paced slowly across her back yard. Sam wouldn't approve me staying here so _vulnerable_, but right now I didn't give a rat's ass about his approval. I had some serious problems to deal with. So, to sum up. The girl definitely feels some sort of a pull towards me, I have to find a way to scare her off. Knowing that she was easily intimidated, that shouldn't be a problem. And being so hung up on her fucking leech, she wouldn't find time to think of me. Okay, let's consider that par of the problem solved.

My inner pal was a completely different situation. Until today I had thought of us as of one whole person, him being just a voice of my instincts. Today he turned out to be quite an opponent. But remembering the little success we already had, I hoped that it would work, I just have to focus.

As I was struggling with my thoughts, I heard a soft voice whisper my name. Shit, the pull must be stronger than I thought. I hesitated, I wasn't ready to meet her yet, on the other hand this would be a nice chance to end this sooner. Fuck, I wouldn't get more ready than I already was. I went to meet her, as I heard her sigh again and attempt to close the door. Right before it would click shut, I pushed it open.

With a squeal she jumped back and hit the table. So, I scared the crap out of her, that ought to be a good start.

„What, you call me and now you're scared of me coming?" I tried to make my voice as steady as I could, and by the look on her face I saw that I had succeeded. She blushed as she noticed me being half naked. We were so used to be walking around like this, but she still blushed every time she saw us. My inner wolf found it adorable, as I told the fucker to shut up. He was getting too annoying.

„I.. Uhmm.. I just wanted to.." She looked at me, and I felt my confidence melt away. _Close you're eyes, shut the door, run for your life!_ My mind was panicking while my inner asshole was celebrating his victory. I couldn't look away, her gaze being too intoxicating. We stayed there staring at each other for fuck-knows-how long, and she didn't break the gaze. When I saw the dreamy expression in her eyes fade away a little, I used the moment to fight the wolf back.

„What did you want?" I did my best to sound annoyed, and by the look on her face I knew she bought it, once again.

„I just wanted to thank you for being there today." I nodded while the bastard wanted to hug her. „I mean, I know, you didn't have to do that, I actually never thought you'd be the one to save my life, I guess I never thought you'd care." How could I not care? I mean, I _wanted_ to, but how could I? That little stupid girl doubted the strength of the imprint! This time it was my inner wolf getting mad and I didn't stop him. I let him send shivers down my spine, clench my hands into fists, move towards her.

„So you think I'm not human enough to _care_. Even if you are just a filthy leech lover, did you actually think I would let you _die_?" My wolf growled and I just applauded him. She was getting scared, that fucker was scaring her off without realizing it. „You think I _wanted_ to see the red head get you?"

At this point I couldn't tell the difference between me and the wolf anymore, as if were working together, me just being mad at the stupid girl, and the wolf being angry for her doubting his dedication. "You think of me less than you think of that leech of yours, who _did_ leave you to die." I saw her flinch at the mention of her dear bloodsucker. The wolf saw it as well. She closed her eyes and he stopped. And I couldn't gang up one her alone.

Then it hit me. I couldn't let him harm her. I couldn't make her cry; I couldn't let the wolf scare her like that. He was the one leading my life, but _I _was the one to control him. And I _had _to control him. The realization made my body start shaking even harder, I quickly made my way out and phased. Standing in her back yard I realized that I was doomed to love that girl no matter what. I could tell myself I hated her, I could curse her, I could yell at her, but the love towards _her_ would be there to stop me every time I tried hurting her. As long as I kept fighting _it_, I would have some control left, but the moment I gave up, _it _would take over me and I would have no way back.

Feeling the power of imprint spread throught my entrie body, into every single particle of my existence, I howled. And my wolf howled with me.

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_I would be glad to know what you think :)_


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N **Hey, that's me again :) I'm so incredibly glad that you liked Paul's chapter, it was my own favorite, but I didn't know how you'd react to it, so it's a great joy for me to know that you like it, too.

About updates, for those who are eager for me to update asap - as much as I would love to do that, I'm afraid this will be it for the rest of the week, I have a big exam on Friday, and I'm planning on leaving my computer alone for a while, so that I could actually have something done, the exam's a pretty important one. But after that I'll do my best to have my pace back ;)

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_**Chapter Seven**_

When I woke up the next morning, my head felt incredibly heavy. I looked at the clock and scowled – I had no idea at what time I fell asleep, so there was no way I could know how long I've been sleeping. The dreams I had definitely didn't make my awakening nicer. My sleep was full with vampires, werevolves, red spots flying around, flashes of diamonds and bronze, and deep brown eyes that kept burning into mine. I wouldn't say it was a nightmare, I never woke up screaming, I never felt terrified. I just watched the red and bronze glimpses pass me by, as the brown, very familiar orbs kept looking at me. And as much as I was trying to catch the bronze steel that kept spinning around me, I couldn't look away from those eyes that had an emotion in them I couldn't understand.

With a groan I stood up and slowly made my way to the door. Inspite of heaviness of my head, I remembered everything clearly. The cliff. Jumping. _Him_. Alice promising to come back. Paul almost phasing in my kitchen. Jacob taking me upstairs. As much as I tried, I couldn't help but remember the look in Paul's eyes when he stood in front of me. He freaked me out completely, I should avoid him in future, but something inside me whispered that I won't. My mind kept remembering yesterday, as I heard voices in the kitchen. Light, bouncing chuckle. _Alice_. I smiled; so she did come back. A rumbling bark-like laughter. _Jacob_. So he didn't leave my side for the whole time as well. But why on earth would those two laugh instead of growling? Then I heard the third laughter, the one I knew very vell. _Charlie_. They must really try hard for Charlie to feel better. As I remembered about Harry, I rushed to the kitchen; even if those two were making him laugh, I knew he needed me.

As I stepped into the kitchen, I felt three pairs of eyes concentrate on me. For a moment there I was confused, not knowing where to go. Charlie was sitting at the end of the table, with Alice and Jacob on each side. Jake must've noticed my confusion, he stood up, offering me his chair.

„Morning, sleepy-head. You've slept for about fourteen hours. I bet your head feels really light, huh?" I frowned, Alice chuckled. If they knew my head would feel twice the size, why the hell didn't they wake me up earlier?

„Feelin' grumpy, pumpkin?" Charlie did his best to smile, but I could read all of his real emotions in his eyes, the ones who held the same warm color as mine. Involuntarily, I remembered Paul's gaze again. I shook my head to get rid of that image.

„How are you holding up?" I asked as I reached out to touch Charlie's hand. It was obvious that he was trying to hold himself together with Alice and Jacob around. Fortunately, Alice noticed it.

„I guess we should give you some privacy. We'll be in the living room." She added as if specially for me. „Come on, mu.. mister." I heard Jake snort as he followed Alice out of the kitchen.

As soon as they left, Charlie buried his face in his hands. „How should I feel?" I heard him mumbe into his palms. „Loosing a friend sure is terrible, but it feels even worse to look at Sue and the kids. I can't possibly start to imagine what do _they_ feel. Luckily, Sam is there, his fiancee is a big help, too."

„Yeah, Emily sure is nice."

„She's actually the one who sent me home to have some sleep, which I was about to do when I found those two in the living room looking like they're about to kill each other..." Boy, Charlie didn't even realize how right he is. „..while you were snoring upstairs."

„Hey, I don't _snore_."

„I wouldn't be so sure." Well, those two obviously did a good job to lighten Charlie's mood. „So, what are they doing here?"

„Well, uhm, I kind of had a little _situation_ at La Push yesterday." I felt Charlie tense, so I rushed to continue. „But everything's okay, Jake took me home and we.. uhmm.. Found Alice on the porch, waiting for me. Obviously she intended it as a surprise."

„Does this mean that _he_ is coming back as well?"

The thought of _him_ made me flinch again. I remembered yesterday when he had called. I needed to talk to Alice as soon as possible.

„I don't think so. Dad, you should get some rest, I mean, you look really, _really_ awful." He gave me a little smile.

„Sure, pumpkin." We both stood up, he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, before heading upstairs.

As I heard his bedroom door close, I rushed to the living room to find 'those two' staring at each other with such anger and coldness, it almost made me shiver.

„Bella!" Alice bounced up from the couch she'd been sitting on and came to give me a hug. I heard Jacob growl from the other side of the room.

„Easy, mutt, you should've learned already that I'm not here to harm her. If I were you, I'd go home and take shower to get that impossible stink off."

„How about you getting me a paper bag, I might be throwing up from that sickening smell of yours."

I couldn't understand what they are fighting about, they smelled equally good to me. But I guess high sensitivity to smell was another bonus that I didn't get because of being just a miserable human.

„Don't make me hate myself more than I already do." With surprised looks on their faces they turned to me. I shook my head. „Never mind. Alice, I.."

„I know, I know, we need to talk. I'm just not sure that this _dog _being here will make things easier."

I shot a questioning look at Jacob.

„Don't even dream of it, I'm not going anywhere while _she's_ here. Just do your damn talking. Then I'll do mine."

I didn't quite understand what he meant by that, so I shot a questioning look in his direction, but he just motioned to Alice, I followed his gaze. „So, uhmm.. you said I disappeared from your visions. Is it.. I mean, I'm I back in now?"

„Not really, and that's the weirdest thing. I can see what kind of clothes you'l choose to wear tomorrow or what you'll be making for dinner next week, but I can't see anything about your _serious_ future. It used to be you with Edward, being one of us and now it's all blurry and uncertain." A sharp pain ripped through my core at the mention of his name. How is it possible that she saw _us_ together if he didn't even want me?

„You should know better than to mention his _name_ in front of her, if you're claiming to care about her, leech." I felt a little sting of guilt as a part of me agreed with Jacob. He gave me a little smile.

„I'm sorry, Bella, I really shoud've known better. It's just that your disappearance makes me _really_ nervous, I don't know what it means and therefore I don't know what to do."

„Well, most of the time I don't know what's going to happen, and it's been okay so far, I mean, you're used to see everything, so this must be weird for you, but.. but maybe it doesn't have to mean anything bad. If I was about to die.." I heard Jake growl in the background. „..then you would see that, right?"

The pixie frowned. „I guess so. I'm just afraid that it is connected to the mutts somehow, and then there's nothing I can do; even if something there leads to your death, I wouldn't be able to see it." She sihged „And that's why you should stay away from La Push and it's _content_." I swear, I never thought this little angelic creature could hold so much hate and anger for someone.

It felt like someone was trying to tear my heart into two pieces. How could I leave Jacob so easily, after everything he has done for me. I want him, I _need_ him in my life. But neither could I push Alice away. I felt like I've gotten back a part, a tiny piece of my family, and I wouldn't give it up. With Alice being here I felt better, the hole wasn't that cold anymore. Of course, it was sore, no one could fix that except for _him_. But _he_ is not coming back, so I have to live with whatever I have. And right now that's Alice.

„Couldn't you two _somehow_ be around each other. I mean, I need you both so much!" Alice looked at me with a sweet smile while Jake sighed.

„It's not that easy, Bella. I _can't_ protect you here, you know that. Sam had to _allow_ me to come, and today was a special occasion, it won't be happening anymore. If you want to hang out with the leech, just do so; but don't count on me being here as well. You can't have it both ways. It's either _me_ or _her_."

„But I.. she.. Jacob, I _can't_!" Alice had her hand reassuringly on mine.

„Just think what's more important to you, Bella." I shook my head.

„I won't be choosing between the two of you. Plus, you've never even mentioned if you intend to stay, so maybe I don't even have to choose at all." I added the last comment with tears about to escape my eyes. It just now occurred to me that she might be leaving.

„I'll be here as long as you want me here. Me leaving would just make you feel worse." She looked away with a thoughtful expression. „Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all. I should've waited outside of the house, observe or something, not run straight into your arms." She sighed. „He won't be happy about any of this."

She didn't have to say his name for me to know who she was talking about. Maybe if he got really mad at her, he would come here and I would get to see him. Seeing his godlike features would make me happy for a while. I felt miserable to be moping about someone who didn't even care.

„You can't leave. Not.. not like that."

„As I said, I'll be here as long as you want me to." She smiled. „Plus, now that I've already broken his main rule, maybe the others can come visit." I couldn't believe my damn happy ears. But there was still a tiny bit of pain.

"Does this mean that he.. Is _he _gonna come, too?" I don't know what my voice had more in it - fear or hope.

"I don't think so." She looked away sadly. I was staring on a stain on the carpet. I haven't noticed that before. Charlie must've made a mess while I wasn't home. I was trying to figure out what kind of stain that was, trying my best to hold back tears.

„Okay, I see it's my turn to be talking." Jacob stood up with a serious look on his face, that took me out of my trance. I've never seen him look so _grown up_. Not physically, but mentally. On his face I could read responsibility and objectivity. „I have to remind _you_ about the treaty. I don't know if you were there when it was made, and honestly I don't give a shit. We'll stay off your land as long as you stay off of ours. Be in Forks, have Bella, do whatever you want, but remember the treaty, 'cuz we'll be right on your ass if you don't. If any more of _yours_ decide to come by, find a way to inform as, and we'll be cool. Well, as cool as we can be with _things_ like you." With that he stopped his pacing across the room and headed to the hallway.

„Jake, wait!" I jumped up to follow. It did hurt a little when he told Alice to have me like some kind of old doll, but I knew he said that just because he was hurting even more than I did. „You can't just leave me like this. I _need_ you."

„Well, this is not about what you need, Bella. While _they _are here, I can't be the friend you want me to."

„But what if you don't have to come to me?"

„What do you mean?"

„I mean, I could come down to La Push, right?"

„Bella, I don't think.."

„Alice, I disappear from your visions anyway, right? So, it wouldn't be much harm if I hang up with Jacob once in a while? Plus, you have to hunt, and while you do, there wouldn't be a safer place for me than with Jake."

„But Bella, he's a _werewolf_. You can't even imagine how uncontrollable they are." And I remembered Paul again. Yesterday he had been out of control, no one would doubt that. And he _didn't_ hurt me. I didn't know if Jacob knew that already, and I didn't want him getting more angry with me, so I didn't say anything.

„Yeah, and you're a filthy _leech_." Jake snorted.

„Hey, you two managed to be in the same room for a while, even alone, without ripping each other's head off. You wouldn't hurt _me_." I looked at each of them. „I mean, if you two _do_ care about me."

They hissed in unison and I knew I had my way. For once in a long time I felt a little bit happy.

„I guess I could let you go once in a while." The look on Alice's face sait the exact opposite.

„There's a bonfire on Saturday. Why don't you come then? I think I can talk Sam into letting you come."

„Why wouldn't he want me here?" I didn't expect this to hurt as much as it did. I knew I wasn't the best guest at La Push, but I didn't realize they would hate me this much.

„I think you know why." With one final glare at Alice Jake turned to me. „I'll give you a call." And without another word, without the Jacob-hug, he left.

„Come on, let's fix Charlie some lunch. And we have some chit chat to do." I followed as Alice pulled me towards the kitchen, feeling that everything might actually turn out good.

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_So, what do you think? I know this wasn't much of an action chapter, didn't have any Paul in it, but it was kind of important for the whole thing, so I hope you still like it :)_


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N **So, here is the next chapter. It took me quite long to figure out what to write here, but finally I made my way through it. Enjoy! :)

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Chapter Eight

As days passed by, I was surprised to feel my heart start healing. That made me realize that the hole in my heart wasn't made just by _him _leaving, it was the whole family. Each one of the Cullens took a little piece of my heart with them. _He _got the biggest one, but I missed them all. Alice brought that little piece of me with her when she came back and I felt that the hole was now smaller than it used to be. Alice told me about the family, avoiding everything that was somehow connected to _him_. She did her best to keep me happy, and most of the time she was successful.

She was great with Charlie, too. I didn't know how to be around him, I was afraid of his sorrow, but while Alice was there everything seemed to be good. Charlie was smiling, he had always liked Alice and he didn't blame her for leaving. It was amazing how this little person could make our days so much brighter.

I went to school in the mornings, she picked me up in the afternoons and we would just hang out. In the evenings we spent time with Charlie, then Alice would say it's time for her to go, we would say our goodbyes just to meet few minutes later in my room. That was the usual schedule, a routine that made me feel good.

And yet I couldn't feel completely happy, there was something missing. And I knew where I could find it, I just had to wait. But Saturday came very quick to my surprise and now I was in my truck with Alice driving.

She wasn't happy, I didn't have to be Jasper to figure that out. I hated to do this to her, I knew how helpless my going to La Push made her feel, but I had to see Jake. When he called me in the middle of the week to say what time to come, he didn't sound as happy as I would like him to be. And I was eager to make him understand that I can't choose between him and Alice. I didn't want to lose my friend, and even more than that I didn't want to hurt him.

Suddenly the truck stopped, jerking me out of my thoughts.

„I'll be here as soon as you decide to come home." So this is where the mythical borderline was. To me it looked the same as the rest of the road. I guess I expected some kind of marked trees, stones on the side of the road or something like that, but there was nothing here.

„How do you know that the border is right here?"

„The smell." Alice replied simply before turning to face me. „Bella, please, do you really have to do that?". Her eyes were pleading, I couldn't take it so I broke the gaze.

„I have to go, I can't just abandon Jake like this, he did a lot for me when you left. He is my friend. As well as you are."

„You surely make friends in the wrong circles." She sighed. „It's just that I won't be able to do anything for you, for all I know you can break your neck there while running away if a werewolf decides to eat you, and I won't be able to see and prevent that." She was dramatizing and I knew she had forgiven me a little bit.

„I'm sorry, but I have to go. And I'm totally safe there with Jake, I promise. But I'll make sure he sends you a note in case I drown in my drink." That got a laugh out of her.

„That's not funny, you know." She looked at me with a smile. „And please, _please _be careful." I nodded.

„I better go now, the dog is getting impatient." And with a quick peck on the cheek she got out of the car, I saw her get into the woods and disappear. I was too distracted to hear Jake get into the car.

„Jeez, how can you stand this stink? It literally _reeks _in here and you keep your windows closed." Theatrically he rolled the window open on his side.

„Hey, Jake!" I said as he scooped closer to hug me. „I thought I would be driving."

„No way, I'm the only one who knows how to make this car go faster than it's usual speed limit." I was happy to see him in such a great mood. I thought I would feel entirely good when I meet Jacob, but now I felt that there were still gapes to fill and I was eager to get to La Push. The feeling that something is still missing startled me, but I was too glad to see Jake smiling to pick up that feeling from my subconsciousness.

We drove in silence for a while, happy with each others presence. Then I remembered something I wanted to ask.

„How come you have a bonfire so soon after Harry has passed?" As soon as I got it out I regretted even wishing to ask the question. Jacob's smile disappeared for a moment, then he tried to put it back on.

„Well, this is sort of a way to remind us to keep on living, like celebrating life over death." His smile was still sad. „But hey, let's not talk about this, today it's the forbidden topic. How's the bloodsucker treating you?"

„Jake, you know Alice wouldn't hurt me." I sighed. „You both should learn that neither one of you would be bad for me. I need you both."

„As long as she stinks on her side of the border, I'm okay." It was his turn to sigh. „But you do realize that I'll never be a friend to that leech. No matter how much you want me to." He smiled and continued. „Even being _you _it's impossible to make mortal enemies become buddies."

„What do you mean-being _me_?"

His smile grew wider. „It's hard not to like you. Once one ġets to know you, it's hard to hold back. You pull people towards you, like a magnet."

„Or a new shiny toy." I sighed while he laughed. „It's not like everyone likes me. Sam even didn't want me to come."

„It's not that simple, Bella. It's not that he doesn'twant you here, it's just... He's the Alpha, Bella. He can't put his wishes before what's better for the tribe." Seeing that this doesn't help me, he switched the subject. „Besides that, who else doesn't like you?"

„Jessica."

„Jealousy."

„Victoria."

„Will die because of that."

„Paul." Again my mind wondered in this direction. During the week I caught myself thinking of Paul several times. I guess the thing that happened in my kitchen was something that I wouldn't forget that easily. I didn't understand why it bothered me though. When he phased in front of me, I was scared, but that image didn't haunt me afterwards. Now his eyes reminded me of themselves every time I looked into the mirror. And then I remembered Paul. Sometimes he was in my dreams, too. Those weren't nightmares, but something like dreams I had about Jake, sunny and warm, but there was something different and I couldn't tell what exactly. I wondered if Paul would be at the bonfire.

„Well he's just stupid." I chuckled while Jacob continued. „And he's weird."

„What do you mean?"

„I don't know, he's acting kind of different lately. I haven't been phased with him in a while, so I don't know what's in his head. But the weirdest thing is what happens when I bring Paul up in my thoughts while I'm phased with someone else."

„Like what?"

„Well, Sam starts remembering Emily, sometimes bringing up moments I _don't_ want to see, so I block him out. Embry starts counting ants or something just as boring. And Jared sings the National anthem. In different voices. I mean that's hilarious, but I just don't get why they don't let themselves think about Paul. Maybe it has something to do with Harry."

„Why, they were close?" It was hard to imagine Paul close to someone, he seemed too arrogant to have some kind of emotional bond with someone.

„I wouldn't say so, but Harry was a great help when we phased. I mean, Sam was the first on the line to help us, but Harry was one of the elders, he had actually seen his grandfather phase, so he could tell us a lot of stories that helped us cope with this thing. And Paul always thought of him with great respect and gratitude."

We were silent for the rest of the way. Once we got to the beach I started getting nervous. How would I stand being here if everyone hates me? Suddenly I was afraid that Jacob being at my side wouldn't be enough. Apparently he saw me start panicking as he took my hand in his, reassuring me.

„Come on, we're right on time." He pulled me along towards people. We were reaching Sam and Emily as I saw her smile at me, then nudge Sam and point in my direction. He looked up, sighed and moved towards us.

„Hey." He said as he reached us. „Jacob, would you mind leaving us alone for a while?"

„Um, sure, I'll be right there." He smiled at me and went towards Emily.

„Bella, I know what Jake told you about me not wanting you here." I nodded, trying to reassure myself that there is no reason to be afraid of Sam. He wouldn't hurt me.

„So I felt I'd rather explain this to you myself. It's not that I don't _want _you here, it's just that I don't want you to think I support you going back and forth. You can't be friends with both. At one point you'll have to choose a side you want to be on and forget about the others."

„But.."

„Bella, we're _enemies_. I'm sure that the Cullens are not entirely bad, otherwise our grandfathers wouldn't have made the treaty, but it doesn't mean we can be friends with them. We have to protect our tribe. And you have to choose what's more important to you. Also, I can't forbid Jacob to be your friend, but I hate seeing him like this. He's torn between his love towards you and his responsibility towards his tribe."

We stood there quiet for a moment.

„But what if I can't choose? I can't just abandon you or them. I _can't_."

„I'm pretty sure you will do that. Sooner or later you will _know _what to do." It was a surprise for me to see him smiling. He saw that I didn't understand the real meaning of his words, that made him smile even wider.

„Oh, and please, ignore the dirty looks given to you tonight. The elders aren't that understanding. I mean, they are quite old, so they aren't that easy going. But I guess that's why they are the elders." He smiled reassuringly. „Come on, the fun is about to start."

I put on a smile and followed Sam towards the beach. I was too busy with acting cool to see a pair of eyes watching me as I reached the little crowd around the bonfire.

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____

_So, how did you like this? I know, almost no Paul again, but I promise there'll be plenty of him in the next chapter. And also I would like to know what you think about me taking things **so**__ slowly with Bella and Paul? What do you think about chapters without Paul? If it's a story about him and Bella, he should be in here more, right? Or not? It's just a thing that I started thinking about while writing this chapter and I would really like to know your opinion! _

___Once again - thank you for reading and see you in the next chapter! :)_


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N **Once more, thank you for the reviews and opinions. I'm so incredibly grateful that you read this and leave your comments. I started writing this for myself, I wanted to have my way with Bella and Paul, and now it feels so good that I'm not the only one enjoying this. Thank you! :)

And to those who want Bella to get rid of Alice already - I don't think it's that easy, she's really hung up on the Cullens, remember New Moon. And I don't wan't Bella to be out of her character, everything has to go slowly. But since this is a B/P story, the ending is guaranteed to be all about the wolves, and until then let's see how everything develops naturally ;)

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_**Chapter Nine**_

The bonfire was better than I expected. I got a few dirty looks from the Elders, but when they started their stories they seemed to forget about me. I may be a disturbance to them, but at this moment the loss of their friend and comprehension of their heritage seemed a lot more important than some 'leech lover' being here.

With a plate in my hands I curled up at Jacob's side. He put an arm around me and listened very carefully. I tried to listen as well, the ancient stories seemed so magical and exciting, but still I couldn't keep my eyes from wandering around.

Everyone had formed a circle around the fire. Sam and Emily were sitting next to the Elders, I guess Sam was some kind of an Elder himself, he was the Alpha of the pack after all. Emily was sitting next to him, her legs thrown over his knees, her head resting on his shoulder. There was something so protective and loving in the way he held her, it made me feel the pain of my own. It made me realize how alone I actually was. In some ways I even felt jealousy, they had what I would never have again. Involuntarily I curled up even closer to Jacob, still not being able to break the gaze from the couple in front of me. I finally managed to look away when Emily noticed my staring and looked at me with a smile.

I started looking at other people around the fire. Embry was sitting next to a girl I didn't recognize. She was beautiful, her black hair waving around her perfect features. There was something sad on her face, a feeling of pain. I guessed that it may be Harry's daughter. A boy sat next to her, and if the girl was Harry's daughter, this must be his son. The boy didn't seem that sad, it looked like he was listening very carefully, absorbing every single detail of the stories.

On the other side of the Elders I noticed Quil. He looked bigger than I remembered, I would guess that he had phased, too. Jake didn't mention this, but since Quil was now hanging out with the pack, my guess must be right. Like everybody else, Quil was completely into the stories, not noticing anything else.

Next to Quil there was another couple. Jared was there with a girl I didn't know. She was beautiful, too. Curled up at his side, she was listening intensly, Jared embracing her tightly. There was something about them that reminded me of Sam and Emily. The same loving and caring features in the way they sat next to each other. I wondered if it looks the same when Jacob had his arm around me. And almost instantly my mind answered – no, it doesn't. Jake was my friend, even though he looked at me differently, he would always be my brother. I would never love anyone else but _him_. _He _left and took my only chance to be happy with him. Subconsciously I envied these girls; they were beautiful and had those warm, strong arms around them to protect, to love, to care. Even though I had Jake who claimed to protect me no matter what, this wasn't the same. Jacob didn't belong to me, no matter how hard I tried, I would never love him the non-brotherly way. And some day he would understand that, fall in love with some beautiful Quileute girl and forged about his pale-faced trouble magnet. And then these warm arms will be holding someone else, I'll just be alone, again.

I felt my eyes fill with tears, and I shook my head to get rid of the toxic emotions of sadness when it struck me. Was I wishing there were _warm _arms around me? The love of my life was cold as ice, his icy and hard embrace was everything I've been dreaming of for the past few months, and now I wanted something _warm_? Involuntarily I shivered, not understanding the sudden change of my priorities.

Jacob felt me shiver and embraced me even tighter. That's when I heard a quiet growl. I looked in the direction it came from and saw the one person I've been avoiding to look at for the entire evening.

_Paul_. He sat between a bunch of people I didn't know, he was the only one who wasn't listening to the Elders. Though his eyes were fixated on them just like everybody else's, I could swear he didn't hear a word. He seemed tense, his hands clenched into fists. Everyone else seemed to be relaxed and interested in the history of their tribe, except for him. At least I wasn't the only one that wasn't listening. I knew he saw me staring, but he never looked at me. Somehow I was actually glad he didn't, because I wasn't sure I could stand his burning gaze again.

I wondered what it was that made him so tense and nervous. I knew he didn't like me, but could it be that he hated me _this _much? Maybe I made him so angry the other day that he still couldn't let go? Suddenly I wanted to come up to him and apologize, tell him that I didn't mean to upset him that much; I was ready to do anything just to make the tense look on his face fade away. I _didn't_ want him to feel so mad with me, I was ready to leave immediately if I knew that would make him feel better.

Once again I was surprised by my own thoughts. Since when did I care what Paul thought? He was just an arrogant guy who thought I wasn't worth their protection. I was sure that he wouldn't have saved me from the water if it wasn't for Jacob. In his eyes I was just a filthy leech lover, I was the reason why he was what he was. And yet, I didn't want him to hate me. I wanted him to _like_ me.

I had no idea where those kind of thoughts came from. And while I was still struggling with my mind and my unexplainable feelings towards Paul, I heard Jacob call my name.

„Bells, are you okay?" He waved his hand in front of my face.

„Yeah, sure, I was just really into the stories." I lied, as I took a glimpse at where Paul was sitting. He was gone, as if he was never there in the first place.

„Well, the stories are over, now the _real _fun is about to start." Jake's face was bright with a huge smile on it. „We were about to play some ball or something, are you in?"

„Hell, no." He laughed.

„We can go for a walk then, Quil and Embry won't let you just sit and observe."

„Uhm, sure, a walk would be great." I wondered why Jake was so eager to get me away from here, but my weird thoughts of Paul didn't let me think about that subject any more.

As we walked away I heard laughs and screams, everyone was having fun, but I just wanted to get away from all that, maybe some peace and quiet would let me think. But Jake obviously didn't have the same idea of us taking a quiet walk.

„I'm really glad you came tonight. I thought that the leech would talk you into ditching me."

„Jake, you know I can't do that. And it kills me that you both can't understand that you're equally important to me." It felt like I was going around in circles, so I decided to change the topic. „So, did Quil phase, too?"

„Yeah." He sighed. „He's so happy about that, finally knowing what's going on and having his friends back. I guess he just doesn't understand what kind of burden this is."

„Is it really that bad?"

„Well, if I had to choose, this wouldn't be my first option. I love my tribe, I love our history, but this werewolf thing makes me stay here for the rest of my life. And it makes us grow up instantly. I'm sixteen, and this amount of responsibility isn't what a normal sixteen year old wants."

He was quiet for a while and then continued.

„I also hate how this makes me unable to make my own choices."

„What kind of choices? I mean, I know Sam's your Alpha and you have to listen to him, but doesn't he allow you to do anything on your own?" I never thought that Sam was so controlling of them.

„No, it's not Sam. He just commands us if it has something to do with the leeches, phasing or protecting. But there are these _wolf_ things that make us do what's better for the _wolf_, regardless what _we_ want."

He must have noticed the confused look on my face as he continued.

„Like, we can't even choose who we want to _love_. I'm not sure if I can tell you this, but since you know everything else about us, this shouldn't do any harm." He looked at me. „There is this thing called _imprinting_. It's the way we find our perfect mates."

„You mean like soul mates?"

„Yes and no. The imprint is the person who is our perfect match, you could call it a soul mate. Basically that's the person who is perfectly suited for us. But that's just one side of the thing. By imprinting we find the person who is the best to carry on the wolf gene. Paul jokes that it's a way of finding a chick a wolf can knock up without feeling guilty."

I felt myself blush and thanked the heaven that it was dark outside. But I still heard Jacob chuckle, so I rushed to change the subject.

„But why did you say that leaves you without a choice?"

„The imprinting happens involuntarily. When the wolf sees his imprint, he looks in her eyes and the whole world shifts. There is nothing else that matters more than safety of the imprint, the wolf feels an incredible urge to love and protect. Basically, he can't be without that other person. It's impossible to fight that."

„Have you imprinted?" I asked in a shaky voice. Jake laughed.

„No, silly. If I had, I would've never let you be alone with the leech." His smile dropped. „And if I imprinted on someone else, you wouldn't see this much of me."

"How do you know everything so well then?"

"Pack mind, remember? I've seen it in Sam's and Jared's mind."

So that's why there was this strong aura of love around them. I thought it would make me feel better, but it just hurt me more. Those girls were lucky to have someone who would be there for them no matter what. Sam or Jared would never leave them. They would fight to protect them, they would never play with their feelings. Those girls knew that they would always be loved. The sorrow and feeling of my own worthlessness took over me again.

Jacob didn't seem to notice that, as he continued.

„Sam imprinted on Emily while he was still with Leah, Harry's daughter. Emily is Leah's cousin, she came to visit her, Sam saw her and that was it. He broke up with Leah to be with Emily."

„That's awful of him. I mean, they are _cousins_!"

„You can't blame Sam. He feels so bad about the whole thing, but still he can't fight it. At first he tried to ignore the imprint, but at one point it brakes you. It's either being with your imprint or being unhappy for the rest of your life. And the imprint feels the same, maybe not on the same level, but both Emily and Kim are saying that there was a pull they couldn't ignore."

„So, Sam just started going out with Emily? What about Leah?"

„You can't even imagine how he feels. He is a great guy, who would never do this if he had a choice which he didn't. This is the best for the _wolf,_ like I told you before. The wolf inside leads our lives, no matter what our mind thinks. The imprint is just one example. It's thought to be rare, but now already two of five have imprinted, I wouldn't say it's that rare after all."

The thought I had earlier returned. What if Jacob imprints? He will leave me to be alone without his warmth. My sun would belong to someone else, some girl that would be perfect for him. As much as I wanted Jake to imprint, I didn't want to loose him. I knew I was being selfish, keeping him so close to me, knowing that friendship is everything I'd be ready to give him, and he knew that as well. I knew he was hurting. I wanted him to be happy, I hated hurting him this much, but if he imprinted, I would loose him. And I didn't want that to happen.

„Jake, can you promise me something?"

„Sure."

„If you imprint, would you.. I mean, I just.. Will you.." I couldn't get the sentence out as I felt tears stream down my face. He took my chin and held it up so I could face him.

„Bella, you know I wouldn't leave you." I could feel his warm breath on my lips. „Bella, I..."

„JACOB!" Sam's voice rumbled from distance. „Jake, would you come here, I have to talk to you."

Jacob growled. „Can't that wait?" He said that too quiet for Sam to hear. „I'll be back in a minute, you'll be here?"

I nodded, afraid to say something, I didn't trust my voice at the moment.

Jake run away, and I turned into the other direction. Slowly I started walking along the trees, looking for a log to sit on. Everything around me seemed so peaceful and quiet, I hoped I would have a moment to think. Obviously I was wrong as I felt something grab my wrist and pull me into the trees. At first it scared me, but as I realized the touch was warm, I tried to calm myself down. This must be some kind of joke or something.

„Jake, this is not..." I started as a familiar voice cut me off.

„It's Paul."

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_I am so incredibly sorry that there was so little of Paul in here, but as I started writing the chapter, there were so many things I had so say before she met him! :D The next chapter promises to be interesting! Stay tuned ;)_


	11. Chapter Ten

**A/N **Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews, every single one of them makes my day happier! :)  
Sorry, about the cliff-hanger, I usually hate them myself, but this time I didn't have a choice! :D I hope that this chapter will make it up to you! Enjoy! :)

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_**Chapter Ten**_

„Paul?" I knew it was useless trying to make him stop or let me go, so I just followed and tried to see his features in the dark.

„Yes."

„This is not funny, you know."

„Well, it's not a joke." He said as he dragged me into a little clearing in the woods. The trees formed some kind of a circle, the moonlight illuminated the little flat area. It felt magical and somehow reminded me of the meadow. _Our_ meadow. I flinched, but my mind was too alarmed to think about _him_ right now.

Paul let me go and started pacing in front of me. I didn't know what to do, I was scared, I wanted to leave but my legs seemed to disagree. At this moment I was too confused to move. We stood there in silence for a while, I stared at him while he was avoiding to look at me. Finally I broke the silence.

„Paul?" My voice came out softer than I expected, it surprised me. He looked up at me, I could see surprise in his eyes as well.

„Paul, what is it?" As I stared in his eyes I realized how much I _liked_ to say his name. It felt really nice on my lips. I took a step back, not knowing why I had this pull towards him. His stare was too intoxicating for me to look away, and at the same time it scared me. I had no idea why he dragged me here, there was nothing in his look that could tell me why he did that. He was still being quiet and it scared the hell out of me.

He must have noticed my fear.

„You don't have to be afraid. I just _had_ to do this."

I nodded.

„Why?" No answer. „You have to take me back, Jake's gonna be looking for me."

„No, he won't. Sam has got that covered." _What?_ Sam knew about this? Why on earth would Sam let Paul drag me into the woods?

„What's going on?"

„Jacob was about to kiss you, you know. Right before Sam called him."

„What? How do you even..."

„That's simple. He's been thinking about it all the time. You should hear his obsessive thoughts about you."

„How would you even know, he said you're avoiding him." I didn't know what I was doing at the moment. Paul was the hot-head, and yet instead of nodding along and trying not to anger him, I was getting into an argument.

„Of course, I am. He is the _last_ person I need to be in my head." That confused me completely. What could it possibly be that Paul was hiding from Jacob? Not being able to stand the staring anymore, I looked away and saw a log a few feet away. I went over there and sat, looking at my shoes. Paul didn't move from where he was standing, he just turned to face me. But I wasn't looking him in the eye, I knew better than that.

„And how do I fit into this whole story?"

„Well, you're actually the main characher." _What?_ I was startled, not knowing what to say. Then slowly it came to me. I jumped up.

„Is this about what happened in my kitchen? Paul, I'm so sorry about that, I really didn't mean to insult you, or make you mad or anything. I just.." I was cut off by his sudden move towards me.

„You're _apologizing_? I scared the crap out of you and still _you_ are apologizing to _me_?" I saw a glimpse of amusement on his face, but it was fastly replaced by annoyance.

„Do you tend to blame yourself for _everything_ that happens around you?"

„When I feel that it's my fault, I do."

„Fuck, this is gonna be harder than I thought." He muttered something else under his breath, too quiet for me to hear. I didn't know what to do as I watched him pace in front of me. I was scared, confused and annoyed. It seemed like he didn't even notice me, and at one point I just couldn't stand the tension.

„Paul, what's going on? I have no frickin idea why you dragged me here in the first place! Then you tell me that Sam is distracting Jacob and that you have something in your head that Jake can't see! Now you're saying something about something being harder and I still have no damn idea what you're talking about! I'm freaking out here and you either can't or don't want to make this easier on me, I mean, why can't you just..."

„I imprinted. On _you_."

„_What?_" I gasped as I felt my knees weaken and I sat back on the log. „You _what_?"

„You _heard_ me." He snarled at me. His voice was full of sadness, anger, disgust and so many other emotions I couldn't distinguish.

„But _how_? That's impossible. I mean, why would you do that?"

„It's not like I _wanted _this! Do you think I wished I would imprint on a _leech _lover?" He growled as he said the word. "But in spite of everything, it _did_ happen and I have no fucking idea how to deal with this! Imprinting should be a happy event, but for me this has been a pain in the ass so far."

„Why are you telling me this?"

„Do you think I would swallow it alone? No way, this includes you too, whether you like it or not. And I'm not gonna be the only one dealing with this crap. If I can't find my peace, you won't either."

„But I don't want to be a part of this! This doesn't concern me, I'm not a Quileute, there must be some kind of mistake!" My mind was panicking. I couldn't think rationally, my mouth said the words, but I didn't get the meaning. The shock didn't allow me to understand anything.

„Yeah, right, because I've always loved to stare in those chocolate eyes of yours, and I've always enjoyed looking after your leech-loving ass." He was being so sarcastic about everything, that it made me flinch. Even if I knew he hated me and I had made my peace with that, those words hurt.

„See, and now I'm _hurting_ you." His voice held anger and a sharp edge of pain.

„Why would you even care that you're hurting me? You obviously _hate_ me, so just keep on with that and you should be fine!" I didn't know where that came from. Paul was hurting me, his words cut deeper wounds than I expected. I felt my eyes fill with tears, and I was doing my best to keep them from falling down my cheeks.

„I can't _hate_ you, you silly girl. I thought Jacob explained imprinting to you."

„He did. He also said that I would feel some kind of pull towards you, and I _don't_. So this is _definitely _a mistake."

„Oh really? _Why _did you call my name the other night then? _Why _did you stare at me whenever I caught your gaze? _Why _couldn't you stop looking at me at the bonfire? And _why_ didn't you run away as soon as I let you go? Or, as a matter of fact, _why _aren't you running away right _now_?"

I stared at him blankly. He was right. I did look forward to see him, I wanted to see his eyes, I didn't want to leave now. It wasn't just Jacob who pulled me to La Push, it was also _Paul_. I shook my head, not knowing what to do, what to say. The emotions and thoughts were in a mess in my head, I couldn't even pick out one and analize. I felt my heartbeat fasten, I was nervous from the flood of emotions.

As I kept struggling with my thoughts, I saw Paul relax and sit on a log as well. He kept a distance and I was grateful for that. I couldn't look at him, so I closed my eyes, yet I could still _feel _him next to me. I had to admit, that even though I felt so anxious, his presence calmed me down, hell, I was _comfortable. _

This was too much, my mind was refusing to believe that I could be his soul mate. It's just wrong, I already have a soul mate. One that I would never be with, but that's not the point. Paul wasn't my soul mate, _Edward_ was.

I gasped. This was the first time I've mentioned his name, even in my head. It hurt, but not as much as I expected. The feeling of pain was somehow blunt and I couldn't feel it through completely. _Edward_. This time it hurt. I had to embrace myself like I haven't done in a long time. The pain reminded me of him, reminded me that _he_ was my soul mate, and no one else. Finally the tears broke, now they were slowly falling down my cheeks. If this imprinting thing was for real, then another life was ruined. Paul didn't deserve me, I would never love him, I would never love anyone else but _him_.

„I'm sorry." He looked at me surprised.

„For what?"

„For ruining your life like this. I mean, you could have imprinted on someone else, someone who's worth it. I'm a mess, and I have no idea why this happened."

He sighed.

„You know, you should stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault. I would apologize for this, but it's not my fault either."

We sat there in silence for a while. I was thinking about _him_. I didn't admit it to myself, but I was thinking about _him_ to avoid thinking about Paul. I couldn't let myself think about Paul, I had no idea how I felt about him, my emotions were mixed up so badly, it would take days to sort them out.

„What do I do now?"

He let out a sad laugh.

„Well, _you_ can do whatever you want. Ignore the pull, be with your leech friends, think about your bloodsucking _boyfriend_." I flinched again. He noticed that, but didn't say anything about it. „You can even hate me, but in that case I would have to ask your permission to hate you, too."

„Why?" I frowned. „You can't hate me on your own?" That came out somehow comical.

„No. See, I have the ultimate wish to do everything to make you happy. I'm fighting it, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to say all those things that hurt you, but still your happiness is what matters the most." He flinched, I guessed that this kind of talking was new for him and he didn't like it. „And if me hating you makes you feel better, I'll be more than happy to do that."

„Uhm, sure, you can hate my guts as much as you want. It's not like you don't know how to do that." Again I saw him flinch. „I'm sorry."

Paul growled.

„_Stop_ apologizing!" He hissed and once more there was silence.

"So, does hating me feel good?"

„I _can't _actually hate you. I mean, I kind of can, but I can't at the same time.. Fuck, this is complicated." He sighed. „Does this mean you'll hate me, too?"

„No. I'll just be avoiding you for sure."

He didn't say anything and I was afraid to look at him.

„I think I should be going."

„Yeah."

He stood up, not offering me a hand to help and once more I was grateful for him keeping the distance. Silently he led me out to my car. I was surprised since I thought he would be taking me to the same place he found me. He must have read the surprise on my face.

„I thought you wouldn't be in a party mood anymore."

„Yeah." I went towards my car as he stood by the tree line. Then I remembered something. „What about Jacob?"

„I think Sam already told him." He sighed. „I'm going to phase now and let him beat the crap out of me." I nodded, while something inside me wanted to warn him to be careful. I ignored that.

"And now what?"

"I have no fucking idea." With those words he turned around and ran into the trees. For a moment I just stood there, trying to calm down the hurricane inside me. But that didn't seem to work. I guess I needed some time to relax, and then I would be able to see my feelings clearly. At least I hoped I would.

I got into the car and made my way back home. Hopefully Alice saw me deciding to go home. With the thought of Alice another realization hit me. Was _Paul_ the reason why Alice couldn't see me? I shook my head. No, that would mean that my life is somehow connected to Paul's, and I was pretty sure that it's not.

I must have reached the treaty line since I saw the pixie waiting for me. I stopped and she motioned for me to move to the passenger's seat. As she got into the car, I heard a heartbreaking howl which left me wondering whether that was Jacob or Paul.

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_So, what do you think? I don't know why I did what I did, I just felt that telling her so simply would be the best way. Please, let me know how you did or didn't like it! :)_


	12. Chapter Eleven: Paul

**A/N **So, here comes the next chapter. I cannot stop thanking you guys for reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me that you find time to write a few lines for me to know what you think! Also, thanks to those who just read without reviewing, it also means a lot to me that you care for the story! :)

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_**Chapter Eleven: Paul**_

_Fuck_!

I was lucky I healed fast. When I left _her _at the car and phased to let Jacob express his frustration, I didn't expect him to be _this _furious. I touched my neck, it had almost healed, but I could still feel a fleshy scar where his teeth had sunk into my skin. After an hour of him growling and trying to kill me and me resisting lightly, our little Alpha had expressed all of his irritation. He phased back, gave me a deathly look and left. Sam and I phased shortly after him.

Sam gave me a reassuring look and rushed after Jake. As I went looking for my shorts I heard Jacob tell Sam to fuck off. I put my shorts on and didn't know what to do next. Deciding, that I didn't want to go home, I started walking and let my mind wonder.

The last few days without seeing her were harder than I expected. I tried to keep to my usual lifestyle; I went on patrols, went home, slept, ate, helped Sam with Seth and Leah when they phased. Leah.. I've never felt sorry for guys who phased, they were men after all, and it was their job to be the protectors. But Leah.. She was the first female to phase, ever. And she was not happy. She reminded me of myself when I phased, the same amount of anger and hate. But her situation was even worse, she was forced to see Sam's mind, his feelings for Emily weren't and couldn't be hidden, and she had to see them every fucking day. It made me doubt the meaning of imprint, it ruined lives, leaving people without a choice, forcing them into being with someone. Sam loved Emily, but there was always pain when he thought of Leah. And she hated pity.

I had thought a lot about my imprint as well. Did it make me happy? I wouldn't say so, it just gave me a few more problems to deal with. I knew I needed to be around her, I just didn't know how. During the night I was always in woods behind her house, feeling her scent, hearing her heartbeat felt relaxing. Sometimes even the smell of the bloodsucker didn't bother me.

I wondered if she knew I was there. She had to feel it somehow. At that point I managed to feel good enough by just being able to hear her heartbeat once in a while, but I knew that in the future it would get harder and harder. Sam was surprised, that I was able to hold myself together, that I was able to control the imprint and not allow it to get in control of me. I knew that made him feel weak because when he imprinted, he gave up immediately. I was still fighting.

I did good without seeing her, and I was afraid that just by looking at her all my efforts would be wasted. That's why I panicked when Saturday came closer and closer.

The whole evening now seemed like a dream, nothing went as planned. The first point of the plan was _not _to go to the bonfire. But as my _fucking _imprint arrived, the wolf had to be there. He kept ringing the alarm in my head until I gave up. As good as I can be at keeping myself away from her, when she was this close and without a leech around her, I couldn't resist.

We were the only two people not listening to the stupid stories. I didn't hear a word the Elders said, as I tried to keep my eyes off of her. I looked at everyone else but her. She did the same. I kept staring at Sam and Emily for a while. They were happy. They had each other. Even if the imprint made Sam feel miserable about dumping Leah like this, Emily's love made up for it. He never felt regret.

It had been even easier for Jared and Kim. They were both single, plus, she had been in love with him for years, so she took the information about imprinting with great joy and gratitude. I wondered how my imprint would react? Would she faint, scream or throw her arms around my neck. Yeah, right, dream on.

Before the imprint, I had _hated _her. Strongly. With passion. If leeches were the first ones on my list, _she _was second. But now I couldn't even hate her. Shit, sometimes it felt like I _wanted _to, but I _couldn't_. At these moments I started hating myself. Maybe someone or something above was trying to punish me with this imprint?

I mean, not only have I gotten an imprint that was totally in love with a leech, I'd probably never get to _reproduce_. Fuck, I couldn't even use the term 'fucking' when thinking of her. Probably that wouldn't even be sex, that would be _love-making_.

Damn it! I have never ever felt so miserable in my entire life. I was in love with a girl that would never be with me. I didn't love her, but I was definitely _in love_ with her. And now that she was sitting just a few feet away, it was physically hard to keep myself away from her. I wanted to howl when she had curled up at Jacob's side. From a brother he had become a fucking competition for me. Even though I knew that if she got over her leech, she would definitely pick me over Jacob, the wolf couldn't hold in a growl when he tightened his grip around her. I felt her staring and it was twice as hard to keep my eyes off her when she was looking at me.

I had ran off as soon as the stories were over. When she wasn't near me it was easier to concentrate. At least here I would be able to relax myself and get a moment to think. Little did I know!

I heard Jacob walking not far from where I was standing. I was in the trees, but could still hear their conversation. I heard them talk, but didn't understand the words. My mind was too busy trying to calm down my instincts to go and beat the fuck out of Jacob. What the hell was he thinking, taking my imprint on a walk. _Alone_. I knew his thoughts of her, I knew his plans, and hell, if he even attempts to realize any of them, he will be fucking collecting his limbs off the ground!

My mind caught one word from their conversation, though. _Imprinting_. The little punk was telling her another tribal legend. But at this point I didn't think it was a bad thing. The more he told her, the easier it would be for me. Even though I wanted to ignore this imprinting non-sense, I knew at some point I would have to tell her. Then I heard my name. Oh, great, that little fucker made it sound like a think of my imprint as of a baby machine. He did say the truth, those _were _my words, but back then I didn't know shit about imprinting, now the picture was _so _damn different.

I heard her heartbeat fasten, so I looked up and the sight almost made me howl. He was about to _kiss _her. She just looked back at him, not trying to move away or anything. Jacob was about to lean in, as I hear Sam call him. Thank _heaven_, for the first time I was actually glad about Sam meddling in.

Suddenly I realized how panicked I actually was about Jacob trying to kiss _my _girl. _Girl_? Since when did I consider her a girl? I had no time to think about it, as I felt her move closer. Not knowing what I'm doing, I leaped forward and grabbed her hand.

I could feel fear radiating off her as she realized that I was dragging her into the woods. But she didn't struggle, didn't scream, didn't try to escape.

Now remembering our little intercourse at the clearing, I still couldn't sort out my emotions. Finally talking to her, being so close to her was such a party to the wolf, he felt so damn happy every time my name had left her lips. I had _never _liked the sound of my name this much.

I noticed that my feet had taken me back to the clearing. She sat right there. I could still feel a faint trail of her scent here. I lied down on the forest floor taking in her scent mixed with the scent of the forest. It was the best place for me to think. During the last week this has been a place I came to think. I was surprised to realize that her scent fit in here perfectly. She fit in _here_. With _me_.

Frustrated with myself I jumped to my feet. It is only getting worse. At first I thought I was doing good, my pull to her wasn't that bad, I could stand it. Having had her here, with me, I couldn't keep away from thinking about bringing her back.

I started pacing around. So, to sum up. I'm in love with the girl. I need to be nearby. The little physical contact we had was amazing, but it left me wanting for more. I wanted to feel her skin against mine, I wanted to feel her touch on my hand again. Damn, I wanted to _hug _her. I growled. I have never been such a pansy. Me, Paul, the ultimate asshole, crying over a girl. A girl, that according to my own standards wasn't even worth my attention. And yet she had all of my attention.

There was no getting out of this. After being so close to her, feeling her presence, I realized that it's what I need, it's what I want. I want Bella Swan, the leech lover. This was the first time I have ever said her name in my head. I was trying not to get too attached, but apparently imprinting did everything for me. I already was tied to her, now I finally understood what Sam and Jared meant when they said how everything concentrated around their imprints. I finally understood that the gravity wasn't holding me on the ground, she was. Standing in the clearing I realized, that I had to be with her.

I had to be at her side, even if she's still in love with her bloodsucker. He's not here, while I am. I knew she had a pull, even if she denied it. Maybe it wouldn't be that hard for her to fall for me. The imprint didn't hold her as tight as it held me, but she was still influenced by it. So it means I have a chance.

She couldn't be that bad. Jacob's not a total idiot, he must love her for a reason. I tried to remember everything I've seen in his mind. She had beautiful eyes, that I knew myself. According to Jake's memories, she was nice and had a sense of humor. The wolf liked her blush. She could actually pass for beautiful.

I have never listened when Jacob thought of her, so now I didn't have much information. Why would I have no listen, anyway? It's not like I expected to imprint on her.

All together, she could be good enough for me. She would make the wolf's life nicer, and my life would be better as well. I still blamed everything on the wolf, even though I knew that I felt everything myself. I was the one that wanted to be with her, and I was the one who would be with her.

Determined to see her, I took off my shorts and phased. I would go see her, even if the leech is there.

So Forks it is.

As I ran I remembered her saying that she would be avoiding me. Well, I didn't give a fuck about that. She can be avoiding me all she wants, but whenever I had to see her, I would.

_Way to go, Paul!_ Ugh, I forgot that Embry was patrolling tonight. Damn it!

_Oh come on, would you want Jared or Quil?_ He was right, he was the less annoying one. I never cared that someone was in my head, I was sharing my thoughts, good and nasty ones, without any regrets, but now that she was in my head, there were things I wanted to keep with me.

Luckily, Embry understood everything, he went quiet and I thanked him in my mind.

Few minutes later I was in Forks. Few more minutes, and I was in her back yard. It felt somehow different, the smell of the leech wasn't as strong as I was used to. Had the bloodsucker left?

I moved closer to her window trying to understand the strange sounds coming from here. At first I couldn't get what that was, but then it hit me.

She was _crying_.

And I felt like I could explode. I needed to know who did that to her, if it was the leech, I swear, I would rip her apart, fuck the treaty, no one would be harming my girl.

Knowing that there was nothing I could do being a wolf, I phased.

'Bella?' I whispered, my voice sounding softer than ever. I have never called her by her name, it surprised me that I did now.

I heard her stop crying and get off her bed. After a moment she reached the window and now was looking at me with those beautiful eyes. She looked awful, her hair in a mess, her eyes red from crying. But the wolf still found it adorable.

As I kept looking in her eyes, she never looked away, and I felt that I was home.


	13. Chapter Twelve

_**Chapter Twelve**_

I was quiet the whole ride home. And I was grateful that Alice didn't ask anything. I saw her shoot glances at me once in a while, but she said nothing.

I was trying to arrange my messy thoughts. It still seemed impossible that I was Paul's soul mate. I don't know him, he doesn't know me, how come that we are destined to be together? I mean, he had obviously hated me. I would swear that he still does, but I had to admit that there was something different in the way he acted around me. Previously, whenever we had to be around each other, he always seemed annoyed by my presence, I could feel hate and anger radiating off him. Today he seemed a lot more nicer, his acting around me was comfortable for me. Somehow, he seemed _happy_ about me being there.

And I couldn't understand my feelings for him. I had never felt anything for him, I had always tried to avoid him, simply because I had no idea how to behave around him; his every gesture, every word he said made me feel that I didn't belong there. Today in the woods I felt comfortable with his presence, no usual intimidation and fear.

I remembered the two couples I watched at the bonfire. There was that vibe about both couples that I couldn't understand back then. I did now. And could I imagine myself and Paul having the same aura around us? Definitely no. Never.

My heart was already taken. And broken. No one would be able to heal it. Only _him_. The one that was not coming back, and even if he did, he didn't care about me. _Edward_. I was amazed by the fact that I actually could say his name, the pain was somehow blunt and I couldn't feel it completely, because a part of my mind was thinking of Paul.

I guess he wasn't as bad as I thought he was. He was nicer, though he had the same edge of arrogance about his appearance, but if it scared me earlier, now I was beginning to like it.

I shook my head. I _can't_ keep thinking about him that way. I've spent the last few months crying over the one who was the love of my life, and I would never forget him. For months I've been hoping that the pain would fade away, and now that it actually seemed easier, I didn't want the pain to go, because it was the only reminder that he was _real_.

As real as my love for him. Again, I felt my eyes fill with tears, so I started looking out of the window, otherwise Alice would notice. But she did anyway.

„Bella, what's wrong? You've been very quiet ever since I got in the car. Did something happen back there?"

I was still looking out of the window, afraid to face her. I didn't trust my voice, so I simply shook my head.

Suddenly the car stopped.

„Okay, this is really creeping me out. You know I'm nervous because I can't see you there, but I still agree with you going to see your dogs, then you come back all weird and quiet without explaining anything to me." The tears broke. „And now you're crying."

She sighed and started the car again. I didn't know what to say. Could I tell her about Paul? I wasn't sure if I was allowed to tell tribal things to the _enemy_. But that wasn't the real reason. How could I tell Alice, that there is a weird wolf thing that makes me a wolf's soul mate? How could I tell her that her brother is not the one I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with? Telling Alice would be like admitting that Edward and I weren't supposed to be with each other. And I couldn't do that, because he meant too much, and now that I felt my mind starting to forget him, I was too afraid to let go.

I didn't believe when he said that my human mind would forget. But it was true. As much as I tried to keep all my memories fresh in my head, they have started to fade. Because I was just a simple human, nothing more. I didn't deserve anything non-human, I was supposed to end up with someone like Mike Newton, not a guy like Edward or Paul.

My tears stopped as soon as we reached Charlie's house. As miserable as I may feel, I can't show him that I'm sad, he deserves better than watching me crying again.

As I was about to open the door, Alice stopped me.

„Hey, we need to talk."

„About what?" I knew what she meant. She wanted to know about what happened at La Push and I was doing my best to make up a story that would explain my behaviour.

„Not about today." She sighed. „I have to leave."

„Why?" For the first time during the whole way home I looked up at her. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

„Don't think it has something to do with you, and please, oh, please don't blame yourself. If I had a choice I wouldn't go. But I _have _to." She sighed again. It was weird, considering that she didn't even need to breath. „I saw a vision of Jasper. He needs me."

I nodded, feeling the dangerous lump in my throat coming back.

„Bella, I swear, as soon as I make sure he is fine, I'll come back." She looked at me with her best puppy eyes. „Please, don't be sad. I hate doing this to you, but I promise to come back as soon as possible."

I nodded again.

„Oh, come on." She pulled me in a hug. I wrapped my arms around her neck, trying to hug her back as strongly as I could. She giggled.

„Don't act like this is the last time you see me." She pulled out of the hug and looked at me with a smile. „Promise me that you won't grieve."

For the third time I nodded.

„And please be careful around those mutts."

I didn't react to that one.

„I better go now, I already said my good byes to Charlie. Take good care of him." And with a quick peck on my cheek she got out of the car.

I didn't move until her car disappeared from my sight. I pulled my act together to face Charlie and got out of the car.

My way to the house, my quick talk to Charlie, my way up to my room was all in a blur. I was so concentrated on keeping my feelings under control that all my movements were robot-like.

I got in the shower, put on my pajamas and went back to my room. As I popped on the bed I let everything go. My pain for Edward, my fear to let him go, my messed up feelings toward Paul and Alice leaving.

The last one broke me completely. Somehow I was hoping that she would help me deal with all my problems, but she only gave me a new one. On one hand her leaving was good because it let me keep my thoughts of Paul with myself, but on the other hand it would be nice to share with someone.

My mind realized that Jasper was her mate, he was way more important than me, but it hurt that she left me right when I needed her the most. And there was a piece of my mind that thought she wouldn't come back.

Maybe _he_ told her to leave like he had before? Maybe she just understood how miserable I was and didn't want to have anything to do with me? Maybe the whole family thinks I'm not worth their time?

The tears came, I cried like I haven't cried in a while, this wasn't just crying over something in particular. I was crying over my life, it seemed so messed up and worthless.

As soon as something seemed to get better, it was interrupted. As soon as I felt myself starting to get over Edward, Alice showed up. I mean, I was happy that she did, I loved her, having her back in my life felt wonderful, but still, she reminded me of him.

And then Paul. I still had no idea how I felt about him, and I tried not to think about that. My thoughts of him seemed weird, I didn't understand what I felt, and it scared me, so I just tried to block those thoughts out.

I thought I would feel better after the crying, but the tears didn't stop and my heart didn't feel any lighter. I laid in my bed and felt as miserable as it is possible. I didn't know how long it's been, I knew my eyes should be red by now and my hair in a mess.

That's when I heard someone call my name. The voice was painfully familiar and I didn't believe it was real. It surprised me, it surprised the tears away and with shaky feet I got up and went to the window to make sure that it was just a hallucination.

But it wasn't. Paul was standing outside, concern and determination in his eyes. For a while I stood there just looking in his eyes, finding them comforting. Then, not knowing what I was doing, I took a step back, that being an invitation for him to come in. Somehow I knew he would understand and accept it.

Few second later he gracefully landed on the floor in my room. And I didn't know what to do next. I had Paul, half naked in my room, me being in pajamas which I considered almost an underwear.

It seemed that he was lost as well. So, for a moment we just stood there quietly, avoiding to look at each other. He was the first one to come alive.

„So, what was it there? PMS or something?" I knew he meant it as a joke, but I could still see the concern in his eyes. That took a smile out of me, knowing that he cared somehow made me feel better.

„No, uhm, I kind of had a bad day."

He nodded and looked around the room. I still didn't know what to do, but somehow standing here like this felt weird. So I took a few steps back and sat on the bed. He went over to my desk and leaned against it, his arms crossed in front of his perfect russet chest. I looked away quickly.

„So, what are you doing here?"

But he didn't answer my question, he just looked at me like he was searching for something in my eyes.

„Where's the leech?"

„Why do you think she should be here?"

„Because she has been here every evening since she came back."

„How do you.."

„I've been in the woods behind your house every evening as well."

„But how.. I mean, couldn't she smell you?"

„She should've. I mean, I could smell her stink pretty good."

I was startled. So, Alice _knew_ there was a werewolf in my back yard and didn't tell me anything? Why would she keep that away from me? Apparently Paul noticed my surprise.

„What, the leech didn't _tell_ you?" I could hear an evil joy in his voice, he was obviously happy to prove that Alice wasn't honest with me.

„Could you not call her that, please?" I was tired of asking them to stop calling each other names, so I knew there was no use asking him this, but at the moment I didn't know what else to say, Alice's not being honest with me left me without any words. And his answer left me totally speechless.

„Okay."

„What?" I couldn't believe my ears.

„What _what_?"

„Did you just agree not to call Alice a leech?" Paul flinched.

„Well, I guess I _did_." I heard anger in his voice and shivered.

Immediately anger on his face was replaced by sadness.

„You're still afraid of me, aren't you." That was more a statement than a question. And I didn't know what to say.

„I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

Suddenly he stood up and came closer.

„Stop apologizing!" He actually growled and once again I shivered. His mood swings were giving me a hard time, it seemed like every second word out of my mouth pissed him off. I didn't know what emotions he could read on my face, but I guess it was fear and confusion, since he growled at himself.

„Damn it, would you _stop_ scaring her?" Boy, his temper was insane, I was scared of him and at the same time I somehow found him charming. And I hated to see him like this.

„Paul, I'm so.. I mean, I'm not scared, I just can't seem to get used to your mood swings. I guess eventually I will, but right now they kind of freak me out." Eventually? I've practically said that I'm about to meet him in the future, and I had nothing like that in mind. I had told him that I would be avoiding him, and now I was implying that I was planning on _seeing _him?

He must have noticed my inner struggles, since he gave me a small, very Paul-ish smirk. I tried to save the situation.

„I mean, I can't get used to your presence, ever since I've known you , you had always ignored me in a very clear way, I mean, you obviously hated me and now I can't be in the same room with you without it being weird."

Something in my words must have hurt him, I saw him flinch.

„I'm sorry, I didn't.." But I couldn't get out the sentence as his warm hand pressed my mouth shut. He was now standing just a few feel away, I could feel heat radiating off his body and I just kept staring at him.

„What is it with you and apologizing? Do you have some kind of a sick fetish about feeling guilty all the time?" With these words he let go and moved away.

„I feel guilty when I think I've done something wrong, that's a normal human emotion." Again I felt self-conscious about myself being just a weak human and the words that followed just came out without thinking. „If you can't understand that, it's your problem, not mine."

"Well, it is actually _your_ problem."

"My problem is being and feeling _human_?" I knew Paul thought the whole werewolf thing made them less human, actually they all thought so, but I guessed Paul's self esteem was too good to let that get to him. Apparently I was wrong.

That must have hurt him even more than I thought, pain was now visible clearly on his face. I waited for anger to follow, but it didn't. He just turned around and a moment later he was gone. I stood there confused.

Then I rushed to the window hoping to see him, but he was gone. And after a while I heard howling.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N **Since I have loads of free time now, I have a lot of time to write. That's why I decided to post this chapter sooner than I had intended :) I really enjoyes writing it, and I hope you will like it as much as I do! :)_**

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_**Chapter Thirteen**_

For my own surprise, I fell asleep very fast. After Paul left I stayed by the window for a while, struggling with myself. I wanted to call him back and apologize, but since he hated that I did that, I thought it would be better to leave him alone.

I knew I had hurt him, the look in his eyes right before he left haunted me in my sleep. In my dreams I wanted to calm him down, to ask for forgiveness, to swear that I'm never going to hurt him like this. But I couldn't get to him, in the dream I ran and ran, but he just moved away from me.

I woke up quite exhausted. During the night I kept waking up every now and then to try to hear Paul outside my window. After not hearing anything I fell asleep just to wake up again in a while.

After getting ready for the day I didn't know what to do. I knew I didn't want to think about any of the things that made me cry yesterday, and for that to work I had to keep myself busy. Charlie wasn't home so I decided to clean.

Two hours later the house was perfectly clean and once again I had to find something to keep myself from thinking. After spending another hour doing homework for school, I gave up. I couldn't stop thinking of Paul. Memories of him were less painful, so I let my mind wonder.

Why was he even in my room yesterday? He never actually told me why he came and I was eager to know. He said that he had been in my back yard during all these nights, but he had never let me see him. And last night he came in his human form and even called my name. That was weird to hear him call me, he had never used my name, I knew he referred to me as a 'leech lover' and I had never expected anything nicer from him.

I couldn't help but notice that I liked how my name sounded when he said it. I liked him having my name on his lips as much as I liked having his on mine. I shook my head, I can't be thinking like this. It felt like betraying Edward, after all he was the love of my life, and I had sworn to myself to love him and no one else. No one else would ever make me feel the way _he _did.

What was it that allowed me to say his name? Was I really getting over him? If I would have been happy about that few months ago, now I was pretty confident that I don't want to forget him. Where would that leave me? I would probably end up with someone like Mike Newton and live my happy little life raising kids in Forks. I scowled at the thought. I've considered being with Mike twice during the past two days, and it was nothing good.

I used to think that if I was ever able to get over Edward, it would be Jacob I go for. And now I didn't know. Would it be Paul? I surely had something for him, but I blamed it all on the imprint, the imprint made me feel the pull toward him, it was not something I've chosen myself. It felt just like Jake had described. I was forced into having these feelings for Paul. And I couldn't tell if I would ever have feelings for him without the imprint. I didn't know him, maybe he wasn't that bad and this imprinting thing would let me get to know him better. But did I actually want to?

It was still hard to believe that some kind of magical forces have chosen me for Paul, but I couldn't deny that. I tried to figure out what he was feeling. I mean, he had hated me. And now he was forced into loving me.

Did he _love_ me? The thought seemed to scare me at first. It would be awful if he fell for me and I didn't feel the same. Somehow it reminded of me and Edward. I loved him and he had never loved me for real. Would it be the same with Paul? Would he love me without me feeling the same way? And had I the right to ignore the imprint, I mean, it made me Paul's soul mate, so I had to be there for him. I couldn't tell if I wanted that myself, or the imprint did it for me. The only thing I knew for sure was that while I kept myself concentrated on Paul, thinking of Edward hurt less. It was almost as having Jacob there for me during the first months, only Paul's presence calmed me even more.

Jacob.. I had completely forgotten about him! After Sam called him yesterday, I never saw him again. Was that only yesterday? It felt like everything happened weeks ago. I shook my head and made up my mind.

I was going to La Push. To see Jacob. Somewhere deep inside I knew that it was actually Paul I wanted to see, but my consciousness told me I had to see Jake. I had to talk to him and make sure he doesn't hate me. I didn't want to lose his friendship just like this.

It took me a few times to start my car, I'd have to ask Jake to take a look. Then it hit me, that mine and Jake's relationship would probably change dramatically. I tried to ignore Paul's comment about Jacob wanting to kiss me, but I couldn't do that any longer. What if now Jake wouldn't want to see me at all? I could bet he felt betrayed. By me, because I never chose him over Edward, and now by Paul with this imprint.

Suddenly going to La Push to see him didn't seem such a good idea. But since I was halfway there already, I decided to pull myself together and just face it.

By the time I reached Jake's house I was so ready to face him (I even had a monologue prepared), that it surprised me a lot to find his house empty, the door locked. For a moment I just stood there, confused. I came here with a certain purpose and now that it failed, I didn't know what to do.

Slowly I decided to take a walk on the beach. I hoped that Jacob would get home at some point, will see my car and find me somewhere on the beach. But what if he didn't want to see me at all? I shook the thought away, I can't allow myself to let those 'if's' make me feel worse. Right now I'll just enjoy the moment and have a nice walk.

I loved walking on the beach. It always felt nice to let my mind wonder while I slowly walked along the sea. Me being clumsy I tripped every once in a while, but it didn't matter. The day was beautiful, no usual clouds and rain, it was sunny and warm, so unlike Washington. It felt very peaceful here. After walking for a while, I saw a log and decided to take a break.

I sat there and looked at the ocean. The last time I was in it, I went insane. Now I remembered all the thoughts that crossed my mind when I dived, when I was under water, when Paul saved me. He hadn't actually told me when did he imprint, but I guessed it happened right after he got me out of the water.

Subconsciously, my fingers touched my lips. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the feeling of his lips on mine. The only thing I remembered was the feeling of warmth, the touch was very soft and comforting, but since I was all dizzy back then, nothing else came to my mind. I wondered what would it feel like to have his lips on mine again, when I could really feel and understand what's happening.

The thought scared me. Did I actually want Paul to kiss me? And I had to admit that I did. This pull I had made me think of Paul when he wasn't around. When he was around, I wasn't able to think clearly, during those moments I lost the filter that sorted out the things that I should say from those that I shouldn't. I have never been a person to say what comes to my mind without analyzing it, and yet with Paul I said everything that I thought, without thinking that it may hurt him. And it had hurt him several times.

Wasn't the imprint supposed to make me be good to him? Why did I keep hurting him? I had to admit that in spite of his comfortable presence, being alone with him still intimidated me. But I couldn't tell if that was the kind of scary intimidation like before or a new, exciting one.

Did I have a crush on Paul? My eyes popped open. Of course I _did_. But how is that possible to have a crush when you love someone else? I loved Edward, and I was pretty sure that if he ever came back, I would fall for his lies again, even if I knew he'd break my heart. Being with him, even for a while and without any intentions from him, would be the happiest thing for me.

I found it very hard to be thinking of Edward when I was here. The trees, the ocean, the beach – they all made me think of Jacob. And now Paul, too.

My eyes closed again and I tried to remember his features. He was taller and leaner than Jacob, physically he was smaller than Jake, but he was still huge comparing to, for example, Mike Newton. I giggled quietly. I remembered Mike whenever I thought of normal human boys. Those who would be suited for me. The guys I went for were way out of my league, being vampires or werewolves. What have they possibly done to deserve a disaster like me?

I mean, Edward made his own choice. He got me to fall completely in love with him and then dumped me like unwanted pet. I laughed. In a way, I _was _a pet for the Cullens. They had me, the kids played with me, and when the _owner_ got sick of me, he threw me away. Maybe other kids, like Alice, still wanted to be around, but _he _was the boss. I sighed.

It was a completely different situation with Paul. According to him, he was _forced_ into being there for me. Was he really that bad to deserve having me for the rest of his life? Somehow I felt sorry for him, he was stuck with a girl that wouldn't even love him. Maybe in a while the imprint would wear off and he would fall in love with a girl who's better for him?

It came as a surprise for me when I realized that I _didn't_ want him to fall in love with someone else. And I didn't want to fall for him myself. Was really being that selfish? And I had to admit that _yes_, I was. I didn't want anyone else to have Paul, _my_ Paul.

I didn't quite realize that I've said his name out loud until a voice startled me.

„Thinkin' of me, aren't you?"

My eyes popped open just to see Paul standing right next to the log I was sitting on. The surprise made me lose my balance and I fell backwards off the log. Somehow I managed to get up without him even attempting to help me.

„It's not nice to scare people like that, you know."

The only response I got was a smirk.

„What are you doing here anyway?"

„I kind of live here."

„On the beach?"

„In the woods."

I chuckled. Why was he in such a good mood? He should be completely pissed off and angry at me for yesterday. But he didn't seem to be like that, and I had to figure out what's going on.

„Look, about yesterday, I.."

„If you even try apologizing again, I swear this time I won't use my hand to make you shut up."

That confused me until I figured out what he meant. As I remembered myself thinking of Paul kissing me, I blushed. And he laughed.

„Well, but I still want you to know that I didn't mean it."

He simply nodded. I sighed and continued.

„And now I don't get why you're not angry. I mean, you're always mad about something when I'm around."

„Well, I am."

„How come you're not showing it?"

„Because the fucker inside of me is too damn happy to see you." He hissed and I didn't know what to think. Did it mean, that he didn't want to see me, but he was happy just because he _had_ to?

He must have read the look on my face.

„It doesn't mean that I'm not glad about you being here myself. It's just the fucking imprint, it makes me feel things that I don't want to. And I hate that the wolf has so much control in my life. I can't understand which feelings are my onw and which are the wolf's." He sighed and sat down next to me.

The feeling of his hot body just a feet away from me was too intoxicating. I had to concentrate hard to keep myself from getting closer and leaning against him. I guess it was his presence that made me dizzy enough to ask the thing I never thought I would.

„And what exactly do you feel?"

He looked in my eyes, as if searching for something in them. I wondered if he found what he was looking for when he answered.

„Need to protect, caring, some sort of addiction, sometimes anger and constant horrible, horrible pain."

„Why?"

„Well, you of all people need the protection, do you know how much it took of me not to catch you when you fell on your ass off the log?" A Paul-ish grin. I couldn't help but smile in return.

„And why would you let me fall?"

„I just know how much you hate help when you're being clumsy." He must have seen the confusion in my eyes. „I've seen every single thought Jacob has of you."

„Oh. But that wasn't what I meant. Why the pain?"

He sighed.

„Do you think I don't know you're hung up on your leech?" I flinched. „Hey, I only promised not to call the girl a leech, you'll never get me to call _that_ bloodsucker in his name."

I just nodded, feeling the lump in my throat. It came out of nowhere, I never though that Paul mentioning Edward would make me cry. I don't know if he noticed that I was close to tears when he continued.

„So, I just know that you'll never be over him and it's not the best thing for me." He sighed once again. „Plus, I can't imagine what's so bad about me that made me imprint on a pale face." He looked at me with that searching look again.

Hearing him practically say that I'm not worth imprinting on and him looking at me like this was enough for me to let the lump turn into tears. I hated that it was this easy to make me cry. I was crying out of anger and feeling of worthlessness and I couldn't stop it.

Through my tear-blurred vision I saw Paul stiffen next to me. He moved closer a bit, and I hoped he wouldn't attempt hugging me. And he didn't. He got up and for a moment I thought he would just leave me like here in a mess, but instead he knelt in front of me, catching my look with his and not letting go. Without even touching me he managed to get my attention and I couldn't look away.

„Would you let me finish?"

I nodded through the tears. He took a deep breath.

„And then I thought that maybe there is something really great about _you _that made me imprint on a pale face."

Not realizing what I was doing I moved forward and threw my arms around his neck. He stiffened, but a moment later I felt him hug me back.

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_So, what do you think? I really love reading your opinion, so I would be really happy if you would find a moment to let me know what you think. After all, I'm writing this story for those who read it, and it's important that you like it _:)


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N **Well, this chapter took a little longer to get written, I mean, I'm on vacation, and it's so incredibly difficult to make myself sit down and write ;)

And once again, thank you very, very much for the great reviews, they always manage to make my day nicer! Hope you enjoy the chapter!

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_**Chapter Fourteen**_

I don't know how long we stayed like that. We were both on our knees, hugging. I was crying as well. If you see this kind of scene in a movie, it seems nice and sweet. The reality was that it was uncomfortable and became painful in a while, but I was afraid to move. I thought that if I moved, the comforting feeling I had would be lost. Paul never moved as well. I knew that his body probably didn't get uncomfortable like mine did, he was a werewolf after all.

I would kill to know what he was thinking right now. The fact that he never moved away was a good sign. He also never tried to get something more out of the hug; he never moved his hands, didn't press me against himself too hard. It was the perfect hug.

I felt completely confused. After a while my tears stopped and I was afraid he would let go. But he didn't. I didn't know what to think about the situation, I couldn't think straight when I was around Paul. And now that we were in this pretty intimate position, I couldn't think at all. Being masochistic, I tried thinking of Edward and the intimate moments we had shared. And almost nothing. As soon as I tried to remember his cold embrace, my mind took me back to this warm and soft hug I had with Paul. When I remembered Edward's snow-white features, my mind gave me an image of Paul, all dark and handsome. And I didn't struggle with it, for once I could actually say that I felt _good_.

I also didn't want to move because I was afraid to face him. How would I act, what would I say? I knew for sure that I would turn bright red under his gaze. Would he make me feel stupid? Not wanting to find that out, I kept hugging Paul.

I felt my knees grow numb and moved just a bit. I guess Paul caught that, as I felt him move away a bit. Unconsciously, I wrapped my arms around his neck even tighter, burying my head in the crook of his neck. He chuckled.

„I'm just trying to get you in a more comfortable position." He tried moving again as I clung to him even harder. „I'm not going anywhere."

I felt him lift us up lightly so that we were standing up now. I had to admit it was more comfortable, but my legs felt so numb and painful that it was hard to be standing. Then I felt Paul press me against him a bit harder, so that some weight from my body was lifted off my hurting legs.

As I kept my nose in the crook of his neck, I smelled the woodsy scent. It was different than Jake's, more masculine. I felt Paul rest his cheek on my head, it felt even better. We stayed like this for a while, when I suddenly felt him press his lips against my hair. That felt amazingly great, and even though I enjoyed the sensation, it managed to take me out of the trance.

Suddenly I realized that I was standing on the beach, hugging _Paul_ and feeling good about it. I moved away and he let me go easily.

As we both stepped back, I tried to avoid looking in his eyes. I didn't know what to say, what to think. The confusion I had when we were hugging grew even bigger now that we were apart. With a corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of him – he was avoiding looking at me as well. The silence was killing me, so I decided to say something.

„I.. uhmm.. I don't know what I was thinking.. I mean, jumping on you like that, it's.. uhmm, I'm really sor.." I cut myself off by pressing my hand to my mouth and looking at him in horror.

To my huge surprise it got him laughing. I have never seen him laugh, but I guess the sight of me must have been very funny. After a while I got the stupidity of my actions and started laughing myself. I had expected this to feel weird and it didn't. It felt right.

„I can see you progress a bit. I bet the perspective I warned you about _did_ leave an effect."

Remembering _what_ kind of perspective he had in mind made me blush again. And my blush made him laugh.

„Stop _laughing_." It just made him laugh more. „Seriously, I don't get your mood swings. You're acting weird and I have no idea how to behave around you."

He stopped laughing and looked at me seriously.

„Haven't you thought that I'm the one who has no idea how to be around _you_?"

While I meant my statement as a joke, it seemed that he meant what he said seriously.

"Why?" I felt like a complete idiot after asking this. Of course, I _knew_ why. I used to be just a stinky leech lover and now I was attractive to him. In a way, I guess I felt the same - I used to be afraid of him, and now I found his presence nice and warm. He looked at me with a smile.

"Did you know that every single thing you think is clearly written on your face?"

I blushed and shook my head. I couldn't get used to this new side of Paul I was beginning to get to know. It was so weird to see him without his mask of anger and annoyance, the guy who was standing in front of me was _nice_. And extremely attractive. Even though I kept staring at my feet, my mind was giving me images of Paul. And in my head I could ogle as much as I want. The thought made me blush even harder.

Trying to hide my embarrassment I turned and went to sit back on the log. Paul didn't follow. I felt his eyes one me, he kept staring for a while and then broke the silence.

"So, what brought you to La Push?"

I hesitated to answer. Did I even know what brought me here? I mean, I came to see Jake, but somewhere deep inside I was hoping to run into Paul. How would he react when I say that I didn't come here to see _him_?

"I, um, wanted to see if Jake is okay." He stiffened and I could swear I heard a growl.

"I see." Was he _jealous_? A part of me felt happy and grateful, but the other wanted to be left alone. Who the hell was he to get jealous over my friendship with Jake? Anyway, the happy part won, and it wanted to get that hurt expression off his face, so I said the thing I never meant to say out loud to Paul.

"But I guess subconsciously I wanted to see _you_." The look he gave me was searching for any proof that I was lying. If he said that my face was like an open book, he must have seen that I meant it. Few seconds later the searching look disappeared, and another one took it's place. His brown eyes were filled with such warmth, I could swear I saw _love_. That look made me lose my mind completely, I melted in his chocolate eyes. Butterflies filled my stomach, I knew I have never felt like this before. Not even with Edward. But it wasn't the time to be thinking of him. Not now.

Instinctively I stood up and saw him move closer. I didn't see anything around me, at the moment Paul was my everything. I didn't see the beach, trees, ocean – everything was in a blur. When there was just a feet between us, I could feel heat radiating off his body, his scent was intoxicating and moved closer to fill the gap. He did the same thing and just as I was about to close my eyes I heard a familiar voice call my name.

"Bella?" Once again I was taken out of the trance, this time it was Jacob's voice that did it. As both Paul and I stepped back, we never broke the eye contact. And I could swear I _saw_ tension between us, the air was filled with electricity. Slowly my mind came to realize that I was about to _kiss_ Paul, but I was still too dizzy to understand it completely.

As we just stood there, I heard Jacob call my name again. And then to my own surprise, I heard my voice answer.

„I'm here."

„Bella, I saw your truck and decided that you.." His voice trailed off as he saw Paul. „Oh.."

Finally I was able to take my eyes off Paul and looked ad Jacob. I couldn't actually understand the look on his face, but it wasn't happy for sure.

„Am I interrupting?" He said with such irony in his voice that it physically hurt. I couldn't pull myself together to answer, Paul did it.

„As a matter of fact – yes, you are." That got a snarl out of Jake. Paul growled.

„Bella, am I disturbing _you_?" He turned to me. I simply shook my head, and that made Paul growl even louder. Jake looked back at him, and it felt like they were ready to attack each other. And I definitely didn't want _that _to happen again.

„Actually, Jake, I needed to talk to you." As I heard Paul growl again, I turned to him. „And you know that as well as I do." That came out a little more harsh than I had intended.

„Fine." Paul said simply and with a quick motion he was gone in the woods. I felt confused since I didn't want to insult him or something. So I just stood there not knowing what to do. I wanted to run after Paul, and just a small part of me realized that I should stay here with Jacob.

„He'll be fine." I shot a non-believing look at Jacob. He just rolled his eyes. „Believe me. After running around for a while he'll come back with his tail between his legs."

I chuckled and hoped that he was right.

„And while he's gone I'll get some time to spend with you." Jacob said that with a smile, but I could feel the sadness behind it. „So, do you want to take a walk?"

I nodded and we started pacing along the beach. There was silence for a while, I guess we both didn't quite know what to say. I must have hated the silence more than he did, because I was the one to talk.

„So, now what?"

He stopped and looked at me.

„What do you mean?"

„Well, this _stuff_ changes something for you. I mean, in the way you see me?"

He took some time to answer. While thinking, Jacob kept looking at me and I couldn't quite understand the emotion in his eyes. After few painfully long minutes, he finally answered.

„You already know how I feel about you." It was too painful to look in his eyes. „And as much as I can say for myself, it's not going to change. Unless..." He didn't finish, but I knew what he meant. Unless he imprinted himself.

„Does that mean that our relationship won't change?" I was amazed by the amount of hope in my voice.

„I wish I could say so. But you see, he.." Jake motioned to the forest. „He won't be that tolerant. I mean, he has been in my head for all this time, he knows _exactly _how I fell about you. And naturally – he won't like that you want to spend time with me."

„But it's about what I want, isn't it? And if I want to spend time with you, I can and will do that." I don't know when that had happened, but now I was kind of thinking of me and Paul as a _couple_. Which felt weird, but I had no time to analyze that right now.

„Oh really?" Again, the sarcasm in his voice. „Now tell me honestly, what did you want to do when Paul ran away. At that moment, _who _was more important?"

And I knew that he was right, I had nothing to say. Again, I felt my eyes fill with tears.

„I'm so sorry, Jake, I don't want to feel that way. I hate hurting you all the time, first with Edward and now this. I mean, if there was something.." But he never let me finish the sentence.

„Hey, I'm not blaming you. Hell, I'm not even blaming Paul, no matter how hard I try. He is my brother, and you are my.. friend. _His _soul mate."

„Do you really believe that?"

„What? That you are destined to be with him? I don't know. I mean, it's hard to do that, he's an asshole, and you're too good for him." He sighed. „But maybe that's how it's supposed to be - an asshole gets a sweet girl, and a nice guy like me will probably end up with some girl who swears like a sailor and doesn't know how to cook." I was happy to see that his mood was getting lighter.

„So, you _don't_ hate me?"

„No, you silly girl. In a way, I'm actually happy."

After I shot him a confused look, he chuckled and continued.

„I mean, now I'm sure that you'll never choose leeches over us."

„Jake, I.. I mean, I don't know how I feel about this stuff, and.." Once again he didn't let me finish.

„Sure, sure. Just remember my words, in a few years you'll be a happy mother of few nice warm puppies."

I felt myself blush. Jacob laughed and I was insanely happy that everything was alright.

We spent the next hour walking around and talking like we have done many, many times before. The only difference was that now Jake wasn't the only thing that pulled me to La Push. I remembered that previously, whenever I was around Jake on the beach, it had felt enough. Now I felt that something was missing.

And to my big relief soon enough I saw this _something_ coming towards us, looking as handsome as always, with a determined look on his face.


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Paul

**A/N **Wow, the amount of reviews amazes me, really. Thank you, thank you, thank you! :)

About cliffhangers – I feel some kind of urge to put them in the story, because that way I feel that the story is to be continued, there is a feeling that something more is about to happen. When I see a chapter that seems to be finished, without any cliffies, it's not that interesting for me to wait for the next chapter – I mean, it already feels complete. But that's just my opinion, my apologies to those who hate cliffhangers ;)

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_**Chapter Fifteen: Paul**_

I didn't even get to take my shorts off. _Great!_ There goes my last pair of good ones. I knew there was a pair hidden somewhere, but I couldn't remember where exactly.

_You have one in the big bush next to the cliff. _And Embry showed me an image of me stocking my shorts in the bush.

_But I would leave them, c'mon, go back to her naked and see the impact! _I growled. Jared should know by now that there will be no joking about my imprint this way. Although a part of me actually wondered what would it be like to go back there naked. If she was embarrassed by me just being _half_ naked, this one should be a lot of fun.

_Ha, I knew you would approve. Just remember to take a good view and keep the mental image fresh for us to have a nice laugh later. _That's it, he's crossing the line again. I knew that it was just a revanche for me making fun of him when he imprinted, but I was mad enough before this, and now his comments pushed me over the line.

Mentally I figured out where he was, I was faster, eveni if he ran I would manage to catch him and kick his ass. In my head I heard his laughter, that pissed me off even more.

I could see him already, this would be a nice catch, I didn't even care if he deserved it, but I _knew_ that Jared's going to have to take time to heal afterwards. I would get to steam off a bit and he would get a valuable lesson.

Just as there was a hundred feet distance between us and I was getting ready to leap forward and catch the bastard, _the_ Voice in my head made me stop.

_Paul, STOP it! You're not attacking your brother just because you're pissed. _Sam and his Alpha thinking. It's not like I'm gonna hurt him or anything, just teach him not to tease me about my imprint.

_I know, I know, but still it's not the best way to be cooling off. _Blah, blah, blah, Sam was always there to ruin all the fun. A little fighting would've kept my mind off the fact that my imprint was now with a guy I didn't trust.

_He's your brother, Paul. _So what, like you've never seen his thoughts of her. She thinks of him as a brother, but that bastard has some not-so-brotherly thoughts. I've never actually cared, sometimes it used to amuse me how that little punk used to fantasize, but since now it was _my_ girl he had been thinking about, no wonder I'm getting paranoid.

_He knows about the imprint. He's not going to stand between the two of you. _Yeah, sure. I've been trying to trust the pup, but I couldn't help myself. And I _knew _that I would be ready to rip him apart, if he did something inappropriate.

_Paul, I think it's better for you to phase back. Go take a walk or something. _No can do, I can think more clearly this way.

_We're patrolling, and your thoughts are disturbing. _Well, then keep out of my head. It's not my problem that you pay attention.

_Oh really? _Yeah. Whenever you or Jared start thinking of the happy-oh-happy moments you have had during the _nights_, or when Leah starts remembering her periods, I do my best to ignore. And it is _possible_. So, be nice, and keep the _fuck_ out of my head!

I heard Sam sigh. _This isn't a negotiation, Paul. Phase back. That's an order. _Even with all my willpower, I couldn't resist. Few seconds later I was standing naked in the woods.

For a moment I just stood there, thinking. I didn't get to steam off, that's one. My imprint is fuck-knows-where with a guy that has romantic fantasies about her, that's two. And I'm standing in the middle of the forest, naked. I felt so miserable I wanted to cry. Or laugh. Or kill something, whatever.

I sighed and went to get my shorts. Did Embry say they were in a bush by the cliff? I knew clearly, that if I really haven't used that stash yet, that would be the only one left. When I finally had gotten okay with the werewolf thing, I had hidden clothes all over the woods. I knew my temper very well.

I reached the cliff and breathed in the fresh air. My eyes looked down on the beach, the place where _that _happened. And the cliff. She had been standing right here, I scowled remembering the thoughts I had. Not wanting to think about what would happen if I didn't get there on time, I decided to jump.

Falling down and diving in the water felt amazing. I haven't done this in a while, and it felt so refreshing, I took my time to swim back to the shore slowly.

Once I got back up and found my shorts, I sat down on the edge and let my mind wander.

It had been a week since I imprinted. I had made my peace with that. My imprint was a pale faced girl who had loving feelings for bloodsuckers. I had even made my peace with _that_. I knew how good she felt in my arms, and I could swear she felt better than whenever the leech had been hugging her. His embrace should have been colder than ice, while mine was warm.

I couldn't deny that I was happy as hell when she threw her arms around my neck. Fuck, that was the best I've felt in days. At that moment I was praying she wouldn't let go.

And she didn't. She needed the comfort, and she got it. I was trying not to think about how good her body felt pressed against mine, being a guy I had a lot on my mind. But her comfort was in the first place, the wolf inside didn't let me get all Paul and start using the situation.

Had the imprint really changed me that much? I couldn't actually tell, I didn't feel much different. But when I paid attention to my thoughts and feelings, I knew that I had changed. A lot.

Fist of all, my opinion of _her_ had changed. Yes, I still thought she was annoying as hell, her constant apologizing could make me go insane. Also her insecurity. I had a feeling that the last one had something to do with the leech and the relationship they used to have, but I wasn't sure. Well, I would have time to figure that out.

At least I hoped I would. On the beach she had said something about getting to know me better, but the moment she said that, I saw regret on her face. Did she regret saying that or giving me a false hope?

I shook my head. It's not like I'm eager to find that out.

I had decided to let everything go naturally. And it did. Today she had come here to see _Jacob_, but as she admitted herself – that wasn't the main reason. Or was she lying? I couldn't tell, but my insecurity was driving me crazy. Since when have I gotten this insecure about myself? Haven't I always been the confident and arrogant Paul, who knew what he's worth and never accepted anything less? What the hell had happened to that guy?

Oh, right, he _fucking_ imprinted!

Even if I had accepted that, I still hated the fact that we were forced into this. But as for me, I knew I would be okay. I had some control, so I couldn't say that I was totally _forced_ into loving her. I could get out if I wanted to, but the idea of being with her wasn't that repulsive.

She, on the other hand, was a completely different thing. I knew she had the pull, she felt something towards me. And I was afraid she would give in easily. Because I didn't want her to fall for me because of the imprint, I wanted her to do that because of _me. _I wasn't the nicest guy, and I've always been proud of that fact, but I still could be lovable.

And if I would ever consider being with her for _real_, I would want her to be in it because she wants that _herself_, and not just because some stupid mythical power made her to.

Like when she was about to kiss me on the beach. I knew she wasn't doing that because she had something for me, it was simply because she's drawn to me. At that moment I didn't quite realize it, but now I knew.

The wolf seemed to disagree. What's the difference, the main point – she wanted to _kiss_ you, who the fuck cares _why_? But I cared. The wolf didn't, but I had my ways to keep him quiet.

I had to admit, I _would_ have kissed her if that little fucker hadn't showed up. My rational mind realized that I had to leave them alone, they needed to talk, but the wolf hated to share the time he had to spend with her. In this case, I agreed.

How long has it been since I left them alone? It has to be more than an hour, that I knew for sure.

Not wanting to let my mind think about the kiss that could have happened, I decided it was time for me to go and claim Bella back. She was _mine_ after all.

Once more I jumped off the cliff, the cold water refreshing my mind. I got out and started pacing along the beach, knowing I would run into them eventually.

And so I did. They were slowly walking along the beach, talking. She was laughing. With a sting of jealousy I had to admit – when she laughed with _him_, she did it warmer and nicer than with me.

And there was a smirk on his face I wish I could sweep off the way I wanted to. But for her, I had to remain calm.

I swear I could see a sparkle in her eyes the moment she noticed me. That gave me even more confidence.

Finally I approached them, and for a moment we just stood there quietly. Jacob was looking at me, while I was giving him the best I-want-to-kill-you look I had. Bella kept looking back and forth.

After few intense minutes of staring, Jake gave up.

„Okay, okay, you win." He raised his hands as if giving up and laughed. „I'll see you soon?" With a smile (that was too warm, by the way) he turned to Bella. She nodded, smiling as well.

As soon as he left, she blushed. But I was too busy to notice that as I kept looking at Jake. I couldn't get my eyes off the bastard while I could still see him.

That's why I noticed that Bella was studying my features intensly only after the bastard was ut of my sight. Obviously she had been doing so for a few minutes while I had been burning Jacob's back with my eyes.

As I looked back at her, she started giggling.

„What?"

„Did you know that all of _your_ emotions are written on _your_ face?" She kept on laughing and I couldn't help but think that her acting so free is still an impact of her being with Jacob.

„So, I see he did get your mood lighter."

„Well, he always does."

I growled.

„Is that some kind of problem?"

„Well, I've never seen you being like this with _me_." And immediately I regretted even thinking that, her laughing stopped and her face darkened. Why the hell was I accusing her of something?

She kept quiet for a while and then looked up at me, determined.

„And what exactly do you expect from me? Do you want me to be crazy in love with you? Abandon Jacob and Alice? Not leave your side so you don't get too worried?" She was almost yelling now. „I never asked for this, I don't _want_ this, I already love someone, even if he doesn't love me. And then you turn up with this imprinting nonsense and I have to go with it? I mean, you _hated _me, I was terrified to be in the same room with you, you can't even imagine how many times you hurt me with your words. And now you're acting all weird and nice, you're jealous of _Jacob_ and you expect me to understand and support that?" She took a pause to breath. „Paul, I hate this, I hate the pull I have for you because it makes me forget who I _really_ am. And I'm not sure I want this. I'm.. I'm just not ready." She stopped, breathing heavily. For a moment I kept quiet, not knowing if I should say what was on my mind.

„Well, there you go, you finally said what you _actually _thought, without trying to be nice."

She just stood there as if trying to apprehend what she had just done. And I felt worse than I could have imagined. Even though I understood the way she felt, it hurt. And I had no fucking idea when have I gotten so vulnerable.

While I was still deep in my thoughts, Bella looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

„Paul, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I just..." She had done it. Since this may be the only chance I get, I would use it now.

With a quick step forward I was right in front of her. With a hand on her waist I pulled her closer and my lips captured hers.

The taste was amazing. The sweetness of her scent was mixed with salty taste of the ocean, that made me go crazy. I wouldn't let her go under any circumstances, right here and right now she was _mine_. I tasted her again and again as my lips brushed against hers. I put everything I had in the kiss – the passion, the pain, the hate.

Her lips were still parted from the surprise, that gave me full access, and I used it shamelessly. But she never resisted. And after a while I felt her wrap her arms around my neck. That's when I gave in completely.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**A/N **I'm sorry for not updating for so long, it's not my usual behaviour. I'll try to be better the next time ;)

I was quite surprised that some of you found the ending of previous chapter as a cliffhanger, it was never meant to be that way. It was just that at that point it was all I had to say from Paul's POV, it was time to switch back to Bella's. Anyways, I'm sorry, and I promise to try to avoid cliffies in the future ;)

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_**Chapter Sixteen**_

The kiss was unexpected. I was still confused and mad at myself for saying those horrible words to Paul. I had told the truth, but not all of it. On some level, I actually _enjoyed_the fact that I was destined to end up with Paul, but I was scared to admit it. Even to myself.

What kind of person am I? I had sworn to love Eward for the rest of my life and now what? I was considering being with someone else? That made me some sort of a liar and proved that I'm not constant. But I wanted to be. I felt torn between my promise to always keep Edward in my heart and my growing feelings toward Paul.

But the moment he kissed me, my mind went blank. First – the surprise. It took me a moment to remember Paul's promise to shut me up this way when I apologize again. Was that the only reason he did it?

I felt so many of his emotions in the way his lips touched mine. There was pain and there was passion. At some point I thought I felt anger. I wondered if he could feel all of my emotions, which now were mostly confusion and embarrassment.

No one has ever kissed me like that. With Edward it had never gone so far, he was always too cautious, too afraid to hurt me. With Paul it was a completely different situation. He pressed me against himself firmly. With an arm around my waist he had a good hold of me, and I was comfortable. The touch of his lips felt rough and tender at the same time. His body heat made me feel very warm, and at the same time I felt shivers run down my spine.

My mouth was still open due to the surprise, and Paul was totally using that. Slowly and firmly his tongue explored mine, and while a part of me wanted to protest, the other part wanted to dive into the sensation.

I didn't know how long it's been just him kissing me without me answering. I felt regret, because I didn't want to be this passive, I wanted to _participate_. Throwing all of my caution and doubts away, I threw my arms around his neck and felt him stiffen for a moment. Then he wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me closer.

If I realized what I was doing, I would've blushed bright red, but at the moment I didn't think , I just gave into my feelings. As my lips kept moving against his, I concentrated on the happiness I felt, it was similar to the way I felt when he hugged me, but a million times better.

I couldn't tell if I was still kissing Paul because I enjoyed it, or just because it helped me get rid of all the unpleasant thoughts that usually filled my head. Right now, when I was being embraced by him, I couldn't think of Edward, of Alice, of my pain. The only one whose picture still stayed in my mind, was Paul. And his lips moving against mine in this sensual rhythm was the only thing that mattered.

As much as I didn't want to stop, I couldn't ignore the raindrop that landed on my nose. And apparently neither did Paul. Slowly, as if unwillingly, he pulled away, taking the intoxicating woodsy taste of his lips with him. As I opened my eyes I found myself looking in his chocolate eyes, and there was an emotion behind them that intrigued and scared me at the same time. For a while we just stood like that, me studying his eyes and him doing the same to me.

The rain became more intense and Paul looked up in the sky, worried.

„Come on, you'll catch a cold or something." His voice was still husky from the kiss when he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the woods.

I could swear I felt electricity run through my body when his skin touched mine.

„Yeah.. Right.." Well, it seems that mine is just as husky. I cleared my throat.

In a few minutes we had reached the trees, but by that time I was completely wet, water was dripping from my hair and clothes.

He let go of my hand and looked at me carefully.

„You're cold." That was more a statement than a question.

„I'm.. No, I'm fine, it's not that bad." For a moment I was afraid that he would throw his arm around my shoulders to keep me warm. If I wanted to keep my sanity with me, I have to stay away from direct contact with him.

Paul looked at me with the same searching look again, after studying my features he simply shrugged.

„Okay."

I nodded, wondering if he had seen my thoughts displayed on my face.

„So, uhm, I think I should get going. It's getting late, and Charlie will be wondering where I am, and.." I was cut off by Paul laughing.

„You don't have to look for excuses to leave." Did I actually catch an edge of sadness in his voice or was I just hoping to hear that?

„Come on, I'll walk you to your truck." With that he turned away and started walking.

„Paul, wait!" Again I tasted the sweetness of his name on my lips.

He stopped but never turned to look at me. I reached him, but didn't have the guts to go around him to face him. And so we stood, him staring somewhere in the woods and me standing a bit behind him, trying to make my messy thoughts into a coherent sentence.

„Paul," I couldn't resist having his name on my lips once more „I'm just too confused to even look at you right now." He turned to face me and I blushed instantly, looking away. „See."

He laughed again, but this time I didn't detect any sadness.

„You know, there is one thing not that bad about this imprint. I _do_ enjoy the impact I have on you."

„And I thought my blushing and mumbling was annoying."

„It is. _Really_ annoying. But the fact that I can still make you uncomfortable proves me that I'm still in control of _some_ things."

„What do you mean?"

He sighed and didn't answer. He just motioned me to start walking. I thought he was just gonna ignore my question, but after a while Paul spoke again.

„You see, the imprint bonds me to you. It's like even though I find you incredibly annoying and sometimes really.. uhm, _weird_, I still enjoy your company." He flinched as if mentally slapping himself. „And the imprint makes me say all kinds of stupid fluffy things." He added with a small smile.

I nodded, thinking of Paul I used to know, the one I never thought could talk about his feelings.

„And since I still make you uncomfortable, it means that a part of _old_ me is still around. I'm just glad the imprint didn't make me all nice and soft."

I tried to imagine a sweet and nice Paul, and to my surprise I didn't like what my imagination brought me.

„Was it supposed to be like that?"

„I don't know. It changed Sam and Jared." He laughed as if remembering something. „Maybe it wasn't that much of a change with Sam, he used to be a _nice_ guy before, all romantic and in love with Leah. But Jared used to be a total asshole. Sometimes even worse than me." I found myself smiling widely and when Paul caught that, he smiled back. Again I could feel the electricity in the air.

„And so what, he instantly became super romantic and nice?"

„Kind of. I mean, he is still a jerk in our heads, sometimes I feel like ripping his fucking head off, but when he thinks of Kim... Let's just say, sometimes I practically feel him pouring sugar into my head."

I laughed. I was surprised to be so comfortable around Paul, after the hug and the kiss normally I would have been uncomfortable and eager to leave. Now I felt relaxed, my mind was light and didn't allow me to think about anything that wasn't good for me.

„And, uhm, what about you?" As the words left my mouth, I felt regret for asking. Did I actually just ask _Paul _to share his feelings. But still, I wanted to know. Apart from the few phrases he had said, I couldn't fully understand how he felt about the whole thing.

„I hate this. I hate that I'm forced into imprinting. I hate that I imprinted on _you_." He must have noticed the look of pain I knew was now sprawled across my face. Paul sighed and rolled his eyes. „Not because you're not worth it. Because you're hung up on your leech." He shook his head. „Sorry, but I don't think any good can come out of being imprinted on a girl who wants to become a bloodsucker."

„I don't." I whispered and shocked myself. It was just now that I realized – I didn't want to become a vampire. Somewhere deep in my mind Jacob's words about the 'warm nice puppies' had found a fertile soil, and even though I've never been the type to want a bunch of kids, I still didn't want to lose the option.

„What?" Paul seemed to be as shocked as I was.

„I don't think I want to become one of them anymore."

„Why not?"

„Well, what's the point? It's not like anyone of them wants me to." It felt weird to be talking about my feelings with Paul, but I couldn't hold myself back. „_He_ doesn't want me. At all." I felt tears make their way to my eyes.

„I'd be more than willing to kill that bastard, you know."

„W-why?"

„Isn't that obvious?" Paul looked at me with a sly smile. „He's a _leech_." To my surprise, I had to laugh at that. Just like that Paul made all of the sad thoughts go away, the warmth of his smile scared away every nasty thought my mind was about to give me. I would've felt worse if Paul had said something about Edward hurting me. I was afraid of Paul expressing his affection towards me, it would open a door to the room where I kept all my feelings for him. And I was afraid of them.

We went the rest of the way quietly, and when we finally reached my truck, the rain had stopped.

I stopped and saw Paul stop few feet away. Onc more, I was so grateful for him keeping the distance.

„Uhm, I guess I'm glad I ran into you today." My words made Paul look at me with wide eyes.

„Yeah, uhmm.. yeah." It must be the first time I've heard Paul stutter. I smiled.

Without saying anything else, I made my way to the truck while Paul stayed where he was. There was no way I wanted to leave him now, I found his presence too safe and comfortable. And warm. Even though I could feel his coldness towards me, it was still warm.

Physically it was warm as well. As I go into the car, I suddenly felt how cold I was. I guess walking next to Paul kept me warm, and now that I was alone, I didn't think the heater in my truck could stop me from shuddering.

With trembling hands I started the truck, when the noise of the car door opening startled me. Paul hopped into the car as gracefully as his size allowed. When I gave him a questioning expression, he simply shrugged.

„I would have still followed you." And then there was the sly smile again. „Plus, I am _hot_ after all."

With a small laugh, I started driving and my hands weren't trembling because of the cold anymore. They were trembling because of the incredibly handsome werewolf-guy sitting right next to me.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**A/N **Well, what can I tell you – trying to write during summer holidays is a pretty hard thing to do. As much as I love to write this story, it couldn't hold my attention, plus I kind of didn't know where I want it to go at this point. But now I've figured it out, more or less, so now I can continue. I'm really sorry for not updating for so long, and I hope you like the new chapter. And once again, thank you very much for your reviews, you are the best readers ever! :)

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_**Chapter Seventeen**_

I didn't take my eyes off the road once. During the whole ride home I could feel Paul's eyes on me, I knew he was studying my features, probably tying to read my emotions and thoughts. I was doing my best to gather up the courage and look back, but never did. I guess the distance from La Push to Forks just isn't long enough for me.

As the truck stopped by the house, we both got out silently. What was I supposed to do now? Hug him and kiss him goodnight? Yeah, _right_. I knew I didn't want to say good-bye. And on some level, I felt that Paul didn't want to, either.

I had no idea for how long we just stood there in front of the house, but it was enough for me. I counted to ten, took a deep breath and looked up to meet Paul's amused expression.

I blushed and mumbled the little „speech" I had prepared.

„I uhmm.. Thanks for coming with me, I guess." He simply nodded. I looked back stupidly, not wanting to continue. And he still kept looking at me with that amusement in his eyes. Why the hell was he so amused? Was my confusion _so_ obvious and _so _funny?

„Well, I should be going then." I couldn't find a reason to stand there any longer. I took a moment of hesitation, when I considered whether it would be appropriate for me to hug Paul. I mean, it's not like I haven't done that before, plus, he was my imprint, and that gave me the _right_ to hug his whenever and wherever I wanted. But I still wasn't ready to express my feelings so directly. He obviously knows about my attraction, but I didn't want to seem too forward and lay my feelings just right out there. I wasn't ready. Not yet.

Paul must have noticed my hesitation. As I turned to walk away, I felt him grab my wrist and pull me back to him. Was that imprinting that made him guess my feelings and thoughts so well? My brain never got to think about this more, as the feeling of his hot body pressed against mine swept my mind blank.

While my head felt empty, my heart felt so full and joyful, it pounded loudly in my chest. No doubt Paul could hear that.

I felt his lips right by my ear as he whispered.

„You know you can do this whenever you want, right?" I couldn't do more than just nod, his hot breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine, it made me feel something I've never felt with Edward – _heat_.

As Paul pulled away, I stepped away reluctantly. This was the perfect time for me to get away. And so I did.

With the last look at Paul I mumbled 'thanks' and made my way quickly into the house.

As I was about to close the doors behind me, I heard him say something so quietly, I could barely understand the words.

„I'll be around."

Charlie greeted me from the living room. It was already past dinner time, I saw a couple of pizza boxes on the kitchen table – it was good to know Charlie wasn't starving without me making dinner.

Now, being back in my normal environment, without Paul's intoxicating presence, I understood how hungry I was. My stomach growled in agreement.

„Thought you'd be hungry when you get back." Charlie appeared in the kitchen and pointed to one of the boxes. „Left you some."

„Thanks." I mumbled and took a piece of pizza to put it in the microwave. I expected Charlie to get back to his game, so it surprised me when he took a seat by the table. It was obvious that he wanted to talk about something, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it.

But since there was no way for me to escape right now, I would just have to endure.

As I took pizza out of the microwave, set it on the table and sat down myself, I felt his eyes on me. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to be examined by his professional gaze, since I was a total emotional wreck at the moment.

„So, what's up?" Charlie asked, still not taking his eyes off me. I shrugged and did my best to look nonchalant.

„Nothing much. Alice left yesterday." I felt him tense and hurried to save the situation. „She's coming back, though."

„_Alone_?" The tension in his voice didn't go away.

„Yes, dad, alone." And not knowing why, I added. „Edward is not coming back, you shouldn't worry about that."

Charlie nodded, and leaned back into the chair, relaxed.

„I was just trying to figure out why do you seem different."

„What do you mean?"

„You seem more... uhm, colourful." That made me look up at him in surprise. He continued. „I mean, since you're going out with Jacob, you're not that gray anymore, but _now _you seem a lot more.. uhm, _alive_. And I thought that it had something to do with Alice. And _then_ I thought that maybe Edwin is coming back as well, that's how I explained your... this.." He motioned his hand at me. „Glow."

„Dad, Jake and I are _not_ going out." That was the first thought out of his monologue that my mind could pick up. „And it's Edward, you know that." That's the second one.

Have I really changed? I mean, _it_ happened what, like two days ago? And since then I've barely seen Charlie. I knew that inwardly I've changed a lot. I felt myself change as hours passed by. Two days ago I couldn't even say Edward's name in my head, let alone out loud, and now I've done it twice in a couple of minutes.

„That's not the point." Charlie's voice dragged me out of my thoughts. „Anyway, I'm glad he'll keep away." I couldn't remember ever hearing so much venom in his voice. I mean, I knew Charlie never liked Edward, and since he left me in the woods in a total mess, he was now definitely number one on Charlie's black list.

„If it's not him, what then? Alice?"

„Yes, dad, Alice." I said automatically. Like I was going to tell him the truth. Not that I wouldn't love to see Charlies face when I tell him about werewolves and their way of finding the perfect female to have their children, I still didn't want to tell him about Paul. I had no idea how would I _ever_ find a way to do that.

„So this has nothing to do with that Indian boy you made out with on our lawn fifteen minutes ago?"

I choked on the piece of pizza I was currently chewing. After coughing for a good five minutes and sweeping the tears out of my eyes, the blush finally crept on my cheeks.

„I wasn't making out with anyone." That just got a sly smile out of Charlie.

„Yeah, and I'm an astronaut." He laughed. „Who was he anyway? Not that I don't like the fact that you're finally getting over Edmund.." When I opened my mouth to correct him, he stopped me with a motion of his hand „it would be nice to know who's the guy that got you to look alive. He should get a medal." He said the last thing jokingly, but I still saw the glimpse of seriousness in his eyes.

I knew Charlie wouldn't let me go without answering, so I decided to give him the smallest piece of information.

„That's Paul." When Charlie nodded with that sly smile on his lips again, I added. „He's a friend."

„Oh, _sure_, he is." The blush returned.

I stood up and went to the sink. As I heard the chair being pushed away, I thanked heaven that Charlie was finally leaving me alone. He has been too nosy tonight. On one hand I was happy for him being in a good mood, but on the other – his questions made me uncomfortable, and I didn't want to talk about things I still wasn't sure about myself.

As I started doing the dishes, Charlie returned to the living room. I spent the next fifteen minutes washing the dishes, doing something around the house always could keep my mind off things. And so it did this time.

After finishing cleaning the kitchen (while doing that I wondered how was it possible that Charlie had managed to make such a mess there, considering the fact that I cleaned it this morning) I said my good nights to Charlie and headed up to my room.

It was still too early to go to sleep, but I felt incredibly tired and sleepy. I decided to take a long and relaxing shower and go to bed. Somehow I felt that the sleep this night was going to be long and dreamless. Or so I hoped.

As I got under the streaming water, I felt my tension melt away. I spent a long time washing my hair, I've always liked doing that, it felt comforting somehow. At one moment I thought I heard a howl. I wasn't sure if that was my imagination or reality, but it did bring thoughts of Paul back to me.

What did he mean by saying that he'll be around? Was that in general, or was he _actually_ somewhere near me at this very moment? He had said that he likes to be around me. The thoughts of him being in the woods, just sitting there outside alone made me flinch. I knew that was a routine for him, but I still felt sorry.

And I had to admit that I felt something else for him as well. I've been trying to avoid and ignore the feeling, but after kissing him it won me over. I was in love with Paul.

Well, as much as you can be in love with a guy you thought was a complete asshole until something mythical changed it. I wondered if I'd feel the same without the imprint, if he just had suddenly shown interest in me? I guessed not.

I had to admit that he was handsome and attractive, even his aggression made him more likable. If his temper wasn't pointed to hurt or insult me, it could actually get me interested. I had to admit that I liked his temper a lot. It was hard to separate my own thoughts from the ones that came with imprinting, but many of them weren't that different.

And what was I supposed to do now? I still loved Edward, I knew that for sure. But that love for him had somehow changed, and I couldn't tell how exactly. It was still fresh and strong inside me, but it was clouded by something else.

Could I ignore it? Just like Edward ignored me? My rational mind told me that yes, I could. The only question was – would I?

From what I've heard about imprinting I understood that I would always have the pull towards Paul, no matter what I choose to do. But I wasn't sure if I was ready to start something up just because it's somehow magically meant to be.

But what if I ignored the fact that this choice was made for me? Would I be able to be happy if I just let everything go it's natural way, without trying to hold on to something, to _someone_ that is long gone? I guess I would.

I felt guilty being the one to make decisions. While I could still get out of it, I knew Paul couldn't. That was so unfair for him. And somehow I was the one to decide for him. Basically, his _happiness_ was in _my _hands. That was more responsibility than I aimed for. I hated having such power over someone's life.

If I chose not to be with Paul, I would make him be alone forever, never being with the one that nature chose for him, his perfect match.

But how can I know if this is ever going to work out. A part of my mind wondered if that was possible to be soul mates and still hate being around each other? But I never let that thought develop any further, that would only give me headache.

What would I be losing anyway? _The love of your life?_ A tiny, annoying voice said in my mind. I chuckled. How was it even possible to choose between one that you think is the love of your life and one that is believed to be your soul mate? Shouldn't that be just one perfect person?

I shook my head. The wrong way of thinking, again. Right now the main thing for me to do was to decide – would I try to be with Paul or not?

The sudden stream of cold water shocked me out of my thoughts. Have I really been in here for so long to use all of the hot water? I got out of the shower quickly, and tried to get myself back warm again by putting on the warm pajamas. I looked in the mirror just to see a determined face. Not realizing it yet, I had already made up my mind. When I see Paul next time, I'll know what to do. Actually, _I_ won't be doing anything, I'll let my instincts do it for me. They won't let me down.

I combed my hair and decided to let it dry naturally. Taking one last glance in the mirror, I left to my room.

It was chilly in there. I remembered leaving the window open during the day. I was about to close it, but instead I left it open just a bit. I didn't know why.

I got myself an extra blanket and climbed under the covers. It was so warm and relaxing to lie there, clean and fresh. For a moment I wondered if Paul was outside my house, but the thought never got any continuation since the sleep took me over.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**A/N **So, this time I was nicer and prepared an update for you sooner. Hope you enjoy it! Also, I would like to say, that I'm planning on doing approximately 30 chapters alltogether, which means, we have about 13 left. Maybe it will change later, but at this moment that's my plan. Again, thanks for reading & reviewing! ;)

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**Also, there is something about the previous chapter I'd like to comment. Rac80 was so nice to point out my mistake – I let Charlie call Paul „an Indian boy", which in reality he would never do. It's diffictult to write about an unknown culture without making this kind of mistakes, so I hope you understand that I didn't mean to offend anyone in anyway, as well as I didn't want to seem historically/politically incorrect ;) Thank you.**

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_**Chapter Eighteen**_

I woke up a few minutes before the alarm clock could wake me. To my surprise, I couldn't remember dreaming about anything during the night. I felt relaxed and full of energy – something that hadn't happened to me in a while. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so good in the morning. And for the first time during those months of ignorance and emptiness, I was actually excited about the upcoming day.

I had loads of time to get dressed and prepare myself for school. I took my time to actually choose what to wear, and not just pick up the first things that caught my eye. I had to do extra work to tame my hair, since going to sleep without drying it previously had pretty serious consequences. After I finally got my hair to be nice and stay in the ponytail neatly, I went down to have breakfast. I felt hungry, which was weird since I almost never have the will to eat in the mornings.

Charlie had already left the building, leaving me a note which said that he would be late tonight, and I didn't have to worry about dinner. I chuckled to myself. The real meaning of the note was for me to _make_ dinner. I guess, he didn't really like it when I left him without any food.

After having nice, big breakfast, I took the last sip of coffee and glanced at the clock. The time I saw made me jump up and get out in a hurry, leaving the dirty dishes on the table. I would just clean them up after school. Now it was important not to turn up late for school. As I was locking the door, I silently prayed for my truck to start up with the first try. Being this late I couldn't afford for my car to be unwilling to cooperate.

Lucky for me, there was no problem to start up, and I was at school a minute before the bell rang.

My day was exclusively dull. I tried to pay attention to teachers and their monologues, but nothing could keep my mind off the one thought that span in my head. _Paul_.

I tried to keep my mind off him as long as I could, and I was quite successful, with rushing to school kind of doesn't allow you to think of something else but being late. So, once I was in school, sitting in my first class, my mind took me where it wanted me to be.

I had to admit, I missed him. I wondered how could that be that I've gotten so used to him after spending just one day together. Yes, one day, though it felt longer. Lot longer. It felt like I've known him for months, years maybe. It felt weird, so I blamed it on the imprint. It was easy to blame everything on the imprint. It allowed me to avoid thinking too much about things I couldn't change anyway.

Somewhere in the middle of the day I remembered of the decision I had made before going to sleep. I would let my feelings, my instincts decide what to do when I see Paul again. The idea seemed wonderful yesterday, but today with fresh head and fresh thoughts, it seemed difficult. Could I really run over and jump on him to make out shamelessly in the parking lot, if my instincts wanted me to? I doubted it. I knew I'd feel insecure to show my real feelings to him, even though he had visibly changed, I couldn't get used to new Paul so easily.

During lunch I tried to listen to conversations surrounding me, just to keep my mind off of Paul. Jessica was babbling around as usual, not allowing anyone else to get a single word in. Mike was nodding his head, but I could see on his face that he wasn't listening. It was hard to keep focused on Jessica, since the things she said seemed too silly and boring for me.

I noticed Angela taking strange looks at me, but thought it was just my troubled imagination. Turned out, it wasn't, since near the ending of lunch hour, she turned to me and started talking.

„Hey, you seem weird today." I looked up at her, surprised. She just laughed. „Well, I mean, you're always pretty soaked up in your own thoughts, but today it's more visible. Did something happen last weekend?"

Damn, the girl was a telepathic. I tried to come up with an answer that would seem casual and innocent, but didn't manage to do that before Mike got into the conversation.

„So, what are you whispering about?" I guess he sounded too interested and excited for Jessica's like, since she stopped talking, made a sour face for just a moment, before her mouth turned into some kind of evil grin.

„So, Bella, I heard the Cullens were visiting." That made the rest of the table look at her with surprise. She enjoyed being back in the middle of everyone's attention. And I didn't mind at all, I just would've liked it better if she didn't use a topic that wasn't this uncomfortable for me. „Yeah, my mom, like saw that little weird girl.."

„_Alice_." Even I was surprised at the growl I made. But Jessica didn't seem to notice.

„Yeah, whatever, so my mom saw her, and I was like 'No, that can't be true.' I mean, they went away and left everything behind, right?" Meaning, they left _you_, miserable Bella Swan, behind. „Why would they suddenly come back?" She looked at me. „But I guess, from your reaction, that girl was here. What about the rest of them? Is Edward here, too? Are you like getting back together or something?"

At the mention of Edward I waited for the sting to come. And it didn't. I was still being quiet, since Jessica's news took everyone's attention. But that was just for a minute, since her news involved me, and everyone turned to me for more information. Mike was the first one to speak.

„So, that's true? They're back? Boy, and I was hoping to have a normal graduation, one without the weird ones." What he meant as a joke, I took very serious.

„No, Mike, they are not coming back." That got a nasty smirk out of him. „For now, I guess." I added to sweep that smirk off his face.

„So, Alice was here?" This time it was Angela.

„Yes." I answered as calmly as I could.

„Alone?" A nasty grin from Jessica. She must really get a lot of positive emotions out of my misery.

„Yes, _alone_." I felt I was losing my patience. I've never had this kind of a temper, but right now I wanted to take her rice pudding and smear it over her face. i shook that feeling off.

„So, what was she-like, coming just for fun? What was she even doing here?" Jessica's tone made it pretty clear that she knew why Alice was here, and obviously, she thought that visiting me wasn't too good of a reason.

„Well, she must have come here to see Bella, right?" Angela said in a soft voice, turning to face me. I gave her a small smile and nodded.

„So, they are _not_ coming back?" Mike was so annoying, I thought that maybe Jessica's pudding would be enough to smear into both of their faces.

„No, they are _not _coming back." Not wanting to participate in this annoying conversation any longer, I got up hurriedly. „I'm gonna go now."

As I walked away, I heard whispering, and I knew that by the end of the day the whole town of Forks would know that the Cullens are back, and Bella Swan would be getting married to Edward Cullen pretty soon; and even though people would think 'what is that nice boy doing with that weird and depressive girl', they would still believe the stupid rumor.

I sighed. Luckily the end of the day wasn't far away, so I let my mind wander in any desirable direction. It immediately went to Paul, but right now that was the best I could do. These thoughts calmed me, and I started wondering how long would it be since I see him again.

By the time my day finally ended, I had been thinking of Paul so much, I felt like driving to La Push and jumping on him without any ceremonies. I successfully got away from my annoying lunch company, leaving them behind, and hurried to the parking lot.

There I realized that driving to La Push wouldn't be necessary, since there _he_ was, leaning against my truck in all his glory. He looked more handsome than I remembered. I mentally slapped myself out of the trance. It was less than 24 hours since I saw him last time, but it felt like weeks.

Without thinking much (that would lead me to ignoring my last night's decision), I sped up and hurried towards him. He smiled at my fast pace, while I was praying not to trip over nothing.

Once I reached him, I did what my instincts wanted me to do. Well, almost. My feelings were screaming for me to kiss him, but instead of that I just threw my arms around his waist and hugged him fiercely.

I felt him hug me back and let out a chuckle.

„Wow, I knew you'd miss me, but I could've never imagined that it would be this much. Not that I'm complaining or anything." I felt him hug me tighter and I did the same. „Hey, who's that girl giving you the stink eye? Oh, and there's a guy too, he looks like exploding."

I let Paul go and looked in the direction he was looking, though there was no need for me to do that, I knew who that couple was.

„Urgh, that's Jessica. And Mike." I sighed. „Tomorrow the whole school will be talking about some native guy who Bella Swan threw herself at. Great, like I don't already have loads of rumors on my head."

I looked back at Paul. „Let's go?"

He was still looking at Jessica and Mike, who were staring back. Suddenly a sly smile appeared on his face.

„Hey, since they're talking about you anyway, why not give them something nicer?" With that he turned his gaze on me, and I immediately understood what he meant. Seeing the agreement in my eyes, he placed his hands on my waist and pulled me close. Just a second later his lips were on mine and I was flying.

Nothing else mattered anymore. It wasn't like our first kiss on the beach, this time we were already familiar with each other and it was easier to understand each other. Paul was gentle but persistent at the same time. His lips felt nice and warm, and there was something demanding, something primitive in his touch. Some kind of need I couldn't fully understand.

I didn't bother thinking much. At this point the only thing that mattered was that he was here, with me, our tongues exploring each other, sending electric jolts through my entire body at each touch. He tasted like spring, that was the first association. His masculine woodsy scent made me crazy. It was good he held me close, because I felt my knees give up. Trying to be even closer to him, I threw my arms around his neck.

Who cares what everyone will be thinking? Not me. Right now I only cared about the gorgeous man that was standing in front of me, holding me like he never wanted to let go. And I hoped he never would.

I don't know how long we've been standing here, making out, but once we finally pulled away from each other, I noticed few open mouths staring at us.

Paul smiled. „Get in, I'm driving."

I simply nodded. There was no way I'd be able to drive in this condition. If I had the same impact on Paul that he had on me, I doubted his driving skills as well. But I guess he had more self control, since just a minute later he was already pulling out of the lot.

As we drove away, I noticed that some mouths were still hanging open. Jessica's expression amused me the most. I chuckled. Paul looked at me with a question.

„Nothing, it's just that now they'll be talking about how you knocked me up." Normally I would've blushed saying something like that to Paul, considering the fact that if I go with the whole imprint thing, he _would_ actually knock me up someday. But I just felt too comfortable to get _un_comfortable about such small things.

For a moment I just sat there quietly, enjoying the calmness of his presence. I thought about how much had changed since the last time we saw each other. First of all, my thought of him. Second – my actions. Normally, I would've never initiated that kind of hug in public, let alone make out with him like this. And it was what, only _two_ days since I know about the imprint?

„Thinking about me again?" Paul's cocky voice got me out of my trance.

I knew I could be just as sly. „Do you really want to know?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

He laughed. „Nah, I can still see everything written on your face." I nudged him. another laugh.

As the trucked pulled up in my driveway, we both got out. I knew I didn't want his to go so soon.

„Hey, Charlie's not home, wanna come in?" I got that out in a pretty squeaky and nervous voice, but I hoped Paul wouldn't notice. No such luck, I knew that, but at least he didn't comment on that.

„I was about to anyway." That cocky grin again.

„And what if I didn't let you in?" I asked playfully.

„I'd still go." He closed the distance between us and leaned in. „It's not like you could stop me or anything."

I knew what he was doing. He liked intimidating me too much to just give it up like that. And I did my best to stay ignorant to his obvious trying to make me lean in and kiss him.

I did lean in a little bit and whispered, almost against his lips. „Oh, really?"

I guess my answer to his seduction was a bit of surprise, since he stayed where he was for a moment after I quickly took off to be the first one by the door.

But, I was no werewolf to be faster than one. When I was only half across the lawn, I felt Paul grab me from backside, and whisper into my ear.

„Hey, I call myself a werewolf for a reason. I _have_ the reflexes." With those words he spun me around and just a second later I was thrown over his shoulder, holding me by my thighs with one hand and reaching to take keys from me with other one.

It was a matter of seconds when he had gotten the door open and we were standing in the hallway.

„Where to?" Paul asked, obviously not planning on putting me down.

„Kitchen."

Once we were finally there, he decided to put me down. I felt dizzy for a moment, hanging upside down definitely didn't do any good for my head.

When Paul got me steady on my own feet, he let me go, and I almost cried at the loss of contact. I shook the feeling off.

„Tea? Coffee? I don't have anything else at the moment."

He laughed. „No thanks, we just had a nice and big meal at Emily's before I came for you." And he added in a mocking tone. „It' not like _you_ ever feed me."

„Ha ha ha." I said simply. „It's not like you deserve it anyway." He did his best to look hurt but I just chuckled. „Fine, then just sit there while I clean up and make Charlie something."

„Hey, it's not like I said I wouldn't be hungry if you cooked."

„Is that your way of inviting yourself over for dinner?"

„Yep."

„So, you're waiting to eat with Charlie then?" I asked nonchalantly, while trying not to laugh at his expression of sudden horror. Even being a werewolf, he was afraid of Charlie.

Seeing my amused expression, he understood I'm just making fun. „Oh, yeah, I'd love to meet the grandfather of our children." Damn, he knew how to make me blush and shut up.

We spent the next half hour quietly, simply enjoying each other's presence. Once again I was surprised, how comfortable it was around him. There was just one little thing that kept bugging me. And after that half hour I finally gathered the gut to ask him.

„Paul." I used the reason to feel his sweet name on my lips.

„Yes, _Bella_?" My name on his lips sounded even sweeter.

„Hey, how come you imprinted on me just now? I mean, you've seen me before, and nothing happened. Isn't that supposed to be like 'from the first sight' kind of situation?"

He was quiet for a moment. „Well, I've been thinking about it. At first I had no idea, Sam couldn't tell me anything either. But, after hours and hours of intense thinking, I think I finally got it." He looked up at me and again I was startled by the deepness of his eyes. He continued.

„Well, the only thing I could come up with was that you never actually looked at me. I mean, for _real_. Like, you were in that shell of yours, not seeing anything much around you. And you've never looked me in the eye. But then, on the beach, your eyes popped open and you weren't that conscious at the moment to know what you're doing, what you're seeing. I'm guessing that was the first time you really looked at me, without that shadow of the leech covering your sight. And that was the first time I got to look in your eyes."

I was staring at him blankly. It made perfect sense. Everything made sense. Prior to that moment on the beach, I've never even known what colour his eyes were.

„I guess you're right."

He looked at me searchingly. „What, you're not even gonna protest that I called that leech a leech?"

„Is there any point in doing that?"

„Nope."

We were back to our joking selves, but something had changed in the atmosphere. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there was something different.

Another fifteen minutes passed by. I had already prepared dinner, everything was in the oven. I sat down by the table to face Paul.

„So, now what?"

He didn't answer for a while. „Hey, can I ask you something?"

„Sure."

„About the leeches?" I knew I wouldn't like the question, but didn't want to disappoint Paul and leave him without an answer. I nodded.

„Why'd they leave?" And here it goes. Could I really tell him? I gathered up all the courage I had. It still wasn't easy talking about them. But Paul's calming presence made things easier on me. So I decided to tell him. But not everything. I doubted that Jasper's attempt to eat me would make Paul happy.

„He told them to."

„Why?"

„He said I wasn't safe around them." He looked at me as if he knew I was hiding something. But lucky me, he never said anything about it.

„Well, that's a smart thing to do."

„Yeah, but it wasn't the real reason. He just didn't love me, that's all." I felt my voice cracking, and prayed that tears wouldn't come.

„But you still love him, don't you?" What could I answer to that. Tell Paul that, yes, I still love my vampire ex boyfriend?

Paul must have noticed my hesitation. „Be honest. I know you still do, I just want you to say that out loud."

„Why?"

„Because then I'll know it's real."

„Yes." I said simply. And the tears came. I couldn't tell if I was crying over Edward or Paul. I still loved Edward and hated hurting Paul like this.

Paul didn't make any attempt to move. He stayed in his chair, it seemed to me like he was calm, but my blurred vision didn't allow me to see how tightly his hands were turned into fists.

After few minutes the tears stopped. I felt too ashamed to look Paul in the eyes, so I hurried out in the hallway to look at the mess I've become after crying. I felt grateful that Paul didn't try to calm me down, he gave me my own space to calm down myself. Now I only had to make myself look like a human being again.

I looked in the mirror. Terrible, like I had assumed. Red eyes. Red nose. Swollen lips. No the nicest look in the world.

I was too busy with looking at myself to notice Paul coming into the hallway as well. His sudden reflection in the mirror startled me. I jumped up comically, but he didn't react. Normally that should have amused him. I turned my back to the mirror to face him.

„Paul, I'm..."

„Don't."

„But..."

„Don't mention him again. Or I might explode. I thought I was ready to hear about him, but I'm not. Not just yet."

„So, you're not mad?" I said in a small voice, full of hope.

„No, I'm more like pissed." I looked at him with horror. „I mean, that fucker left you like that and you're still moping after him? First of all, I don't understand how it's even _possible_ to love a fucking leech. They're filthy, bloodsucking and cold _creatures_. And second – now that they've proven how fucking filthy they are, you _still_ mope around and miss them?" He was growling now.

„Paul..."

„I just. Can't. Fucking. _Understand_." He came closer. And while he was terrifying in his anger, I was still attracted. More that I've been before.

„Well, you don't have to." I whispered and leaned in to catch his lips with mine.

* * *

_Sorry, about the cliff, but there was nothing else I could do, the chapter was long enough, and if I continued, it would me hard for me to figure out a way to end the chapter. So, please, don't be mad, and enjoy that the chapter is little longer than previous ones. Thanks :)_


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**A/N **Wow! I mean, really WOW, your reviews are amazing, I can't even describe how happy I am that you read this story and take your time to leave me a review. Thank you SO much! :) Honestly, when I started this, I could've never hoped to get this kind of attention and appreciation! And also thank you for complementing my English, that's like music to my ears :)

Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to take some time to answer some of your reviews. Those of you, who don't want to read this, just skip right to the story ;)

**HappyKitty95 **wrote that after imprinting, the pain of other disappears, and it's impossible to cry over someone else. Well, I think that Paul is the one without any choice, but since Bella can choose what to do with her life, she isn't that committed, she can still feel pain of others. Plus, I'm trying to be as close to reality as I can, SM had created Bella's love towards Edward really strong and intense, it can't go away this easily. That just wouldn't be Bella, if she forgot Edward and fell for Paul instantly ;)

**teamswitzerland08 **Thanks for commenting on the quotation marks, but I kind of don't pay much attention to them, I'm really not that good with computer and all of it's stuff, so I basically just put the quotation marks, and they turn out to be wherever they want to be :D

**tehe **Thanks for writing down your thoughts so methodically. You have mentioned many things that I've been planning to do. They are going to have conversations, but before that they have to get at that point where they are comfortable enough with each other – and that's what I'm trying to do with taking things slowly. I'm letting things be calm and slow, because I'm afraid to rush them. And about making out – as I see it: kissing is a physical thing for them, I guess physically they are more comfortable with each other, their minds are what hold them back. It's like – they are more comfortable with being together physically than opening up to each other emotionally ;)

**BreithePixieCupcake **had some questions. Well, knowing Paul's temper, how do you think he would react if Bella told him that Jasper tried to eat her? :) I mean, Paul freaking out in her kitchen isn't the thing Bella's dreaming about :D About Edward coming back – well, I guess we would need him back for some kind of closure, right? I just don't know how's that gonna happen yet, I mean, once I already said that when I finish a chapter, I don't know what's gonna happen next – I just write, and everything comes naturally. So, I can't tell you much about their future, I know there is going to be a happy ending, I just don't know how we're gonna get there ;)

And all of you, who I didn't mention here – thank you VERY much! Each and every one of your reviews gives me the will to continue and make you happy with the next chapter! You can't imagine how grateful I am to have such wonderful readers! :)

Now, enough with the babbling around, let's get down to the story!

* * *

_**Chapter Nineteen**_

This time he was the one surprised. I couldn't say that I wasn't surprised at all, but still, I felt that Paul was totally taken aback by my actions. For a moment he just stood there, his eyes wide open, his lips not moving. Then his hands moved to cup my cheeks and he closed his eyes. My hands were on his waist. I knew he was still angry, I could feel that in the way he kissed me, his touches grew more and more intense. At some point his hands shifted to my waist and I found myself pressed against the wall. Luckily, Paul wasn't pressing his whole body against me, he was giving me some space. Space, that I didn't know if I wanted.

Out of those three kisses we have had, this was the hottest one. I don't know if that was his anger of my sudden initiative, but something made this one so different from the other two. I was so lost in the kiss that I couldn't hold in a small whimper that escaped my lips when Paul moved away. His breathing was fast and his voice husky when he whispered:

„I think something's burning." _Yeah, my insides._ I couldn't remember ever feeling this hot.

„Shit, the dinner's in the oven!" I spat as my shaky legs led me to the kitchen. I rushed to the oven, hoping that it wasn't ruined completely. Lucky for me, just one side was ruined a bit, the dish was still edible. I guess Paul's senses were high enough to notice the tiniest smell of burning.

Speaking of Paul, he was still in the hallway. I couldn't hear him and hoped he hadn't left. I wanted to go and check, but couldn't gather up the courage. To cool off a bit I decided to splash some cold water on my face. When I turned off the water and dried my face, I almost jumped up from surprise since Paul was sitting in his old spot by the table. He was watching me carefully and I was staring back, not being able to look away. Finally he spoke.

„Why'd you do that?"

„What?"

„_That_."

„Umm.. I don't know." Why did I, really? I couldn't find an explanation. Damn, I couldn't even remember what I thought when I kissed him. It's just that at that moment I saw only him and his anger. He was showing his temper and something inside of me couldn't resist. I _had_ to kiss him, there was no other way to calm him down. Did I have some kind of inner alarm that went off every time he got pissed off in my presence? I hoped not, it was too creepy to imagine what would I do if he got even angrier. I shook my head.

Paul was looking at me. His head tilted and eyebrows lifted. The sight of him was curious, but I tried to ignore the amusement in his eyes and study his features, looking for some trace of anger. And found nothing. I furrowed my eyebrows and continued staring at him, trying to figure things out.

„Hey, Earth to Bella! Why are you looking at me like I've grown a third eye or something?"

I stayed quiet.

„You didn't answer my question."

„This is not how I'd bee looking at you if you grew a third eye."

„Ha ha. Wrong question." He went quiet and studied my face again. „I mean, why'd you kiss me. You're not that forward, not that I mind you throwing yourself at me like that, but that's just not... you."

I sighed. „I don't know. I felt you getting angry and I thought that was the right thing to do." The _only_ thing to do. „I acted on impulse."

„What do you mean?"

„Well, it's like I knew that would calm you down. You are calm now, right?"

„Yes."

„Maybe that's some kind of imprint thing?"

„Maybe." Paul answered seriously. And then his special sly grin appeared on his face. „Does this mean you'll be all over me every time I get pissed off? I could get used to that."

I blushed and looked away, pretending to ignore him. „Hungry?"

„Do you really expect me to say no to that?"

„I guess not." I said with a smile as I took two plates out of the cupboard.

We were quiet for the next fifteen minutes. Paul was too busy with the food, meaning – too busy to tease me any longer. While he ate with great appetite, I was picking my food and trying to sort out my own thoughts.

What was that that made me kiss Paul? I felt like it wasn't me, like it was something inside of me, something tiny yet a big part of my being. I remembered Paul talking about the wolf inside of him. Could it be that there was something similar with me? Like, did I have some tiny tiny animal inside of me, that took control of my instincts, and sometimes made me do things? The thought seemed funny, but quite real at the same time. I decided, it would be good to ask Emily about it.

I haven't met the rest of the pack after imprinting. Well, actually, I have, but back then I didn't know anything. I was worried whether they would accept me. It was one thing being Jacob's pale faced friend, and something different – being Paul's pale faced imprint. Would they accept me knowing that I'm not actually one of them? It was hard to believe that someone as nice as Emily could be mean to me, but I still found it possible. Not realizing it, I've managed to make myself nauseous. I didn't know that being accepted by the pack was such a big deal for me.

„Why such a sour face?" With all my thinking I hadn't noticed that Paul was already done with his food and was now looking at me with worried look in his eyes. „What's wrong?"

„Nothing." I answered, swallowing back tears. Boy, I have become such a wuss, crying over almost everything. But in this case the pain felt real. I stood up hurriedly to take away the dirty dishes, so that Paul wouldn't notice my watering eyes. No such luck, since he caught my arm as I was about to move away.

„I swear, I'm gonna phase in your kitchen and fucking mess the place up if you don't tell me why you're crying again."

„I'm not..."

„Cut out the bullshit. What's wrong?" His words were rough, but his tone was still soft and he held my wrist very gently. I could only imagine how much of self control that cost him.

„It's nothing, really."

„Well, it has to be _something_. Even though you are weeping over almost everything, I can tell that this time it's something important." He was pleading now. „Please."

„It's just.. I'm just thinking about the pack."

„What about them?"

„Well.. What if they don't want me?"

„No one's asking them what they want."

„Paul, I'm serious. I mean, they are like your family, they are important to you, and I just don't want to be between you and them."

He sighed and instead of letting my arm free, he took the other one in his hand as well. „Bella, first of all, they like you. You should know it by now. And second..."

As he went silent, I waited for him to continue. But he kept quiet, I nudged him. „Second, what?"

Again he sighed. „You may not realize it yet, but _you_ are my life now. They are important, but not like you."

I was taken aback. I had never seen this side of Paul before. I couldn't have even imagined that he could be so honest about his feelings. He blew me away. I was speechless. I was still looking in his eyes, and he was looking back, his eyes felt as warm as I've never seen them before, I was melting. I was falling. For him.

A smile appeared on his lips as he said. „Chief's here. And if I don't want to act as if I'm afraid of him, I better go." He pressed his lips lightly on my forehead and moved towards the back door. As he moved his hand away from mine, I caught his wrist and looked at him with a question in my eyes. I didn't even know what the question was, but he knew the answer. „I'll be here." And he was gone.

I heard Charlie yell his hello's from the hallway as I rushed to put the dirty dishes in the sink. Right now Charlie's hints regarding my personal life were the last thing I wanted to hear.

„Hey there, Kid." He greeted walking into the kitchen. „Ah, I see you aren't trying to starve me to death." He added as I placed his plate on the table. „Smells good."

I was keeping myself busy with making a tea for myself so that I wouldn't have to come face to face with Charlie. His trained sight would immediately notice something weird about me, and I didn't want to hear any of his questions. But I wasn't that lucky.

„Hey, guess what I heard in the grocery store on my way home?"

„Don't know. What?" I asked, taking the tea cup in my hand, and finally facing Charlie.

He gave me a sly smile. „It turns out my daughter has a habit of making out on the parking lot." As I almost spat out the tea, he added. „Guess with who?"

I was still busy trying not to choke on my tea, so Charlie answered himself. „People say it was some native guy. Half naked." He then pretended to be deeply in his thoughts. „Or maybe it was you that was half naked, I can't quite remember." This time the tea made it's way into the sink. I coughed. It seemed like Charlie was having fun making me choke on my food. Yesterday the pizza, now this.

I was surprised by the joking tone he had. Had it been a rumor that Edward and I were making out somewhere, both of us being dressed in skiing costumes, he would've freaked out and given me a year of house arrest.

As if not noticing my reaction, he continued. „I also heard that the Cullens are coming back in town, and Edgar is going to propose, but I'm guessing that's just a silly rumor." And then he added in a serious voice. „Right?"

I could simply nod. I knew the rumors would spread, but I never thought they would reach Charlie so soon.

He was already done with his dinner, and stood up to take his plate to the sink. I took it from him. „Thanks, Bells, it's nice to have someone to feed me." As I nodded, he gave me a small smile and went to the living room.

I was replaying the weird conversation we just had in my head. Was that some kind of wicked way to tell me he was okay with me dating Paul? And even making out with him in public? I shook my head. Things would be so much easier if Charlie and I were better at talking about out feelings and thoughts with each other. I sighed. But, well, since we're both incredibly uncomfortable talking about that, we'd just have to stick to the code-talk.

I finished cleaning up and headed upstairs. I paused as I reached my bedroom door and decided to go have a shower now. It was too early to go to sleep, I still had some homework to do, but I thought it would be nicer to do that being clean, in my bed.

I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, washed my face. Put on my warm pajamas and I was ready to go and study. Or daydream of Paul, that's more real.

Turned out it wasn't necessary to daydream at all. Opening the door to my room I was startled by his gorgeous body leaning against the windowsill. I paused, then went in and closed the door with a smile. Luckily I was backside to him and he didn't see me smiling like an idiot. As I turned to face him, I made sure to have a question written on my face.

He laughed. „What? I told you I'd be here." The sly smile again. „Or should I go?"

I guess I shook my head too fiercely, since he started laughing again. I realized I liked his laugh. I felt like I was ready to trip over nothing again and again just to hear that.

As I went over to sit on my bed, I happened to walk by Paul and I could swear I heard him snuff the air. As I was still trying to tell if that was reality or my imagination, he spoke.

„You know, you finally got rid of that leech's reek." Was that his way of telling me to shower more often? He must have noticed the look on my face, as he continued. „I mean, that stink doesn't come off so easily. Took you a few days."

„How could you even stand being next to me if it's that bad?"

Paul chuckled. „Had to." Then he went serious. „So, are you okay? About what we were talking before?" And I had hoped this wouldn't come up. Honestly, I never thought _he_ would bring that up. I would have never thought he could be so cool about displaying his feelings, it's like showing the world that you're weak and vulnerable, and I was sure Paul wanted to seem as the tough one. So I was quite taken aback by this honesty.

„Yeah, I guess, I am." He lifted an eyebrow. „Really, I am." And then I added, not quite knowing, why. „But, still..."

„Still what?" Instantly, he was by my side, pulled up a chair to sit on. Now he was right in front of me with worry in his eyes. „Come on, what?"

I was surprised by this forwardness. „It's..."

„If you say it's nothing, I'm gonna go phase in front of Charlie."

„I'm just wondering why _me_? I mean, from all the quileute girls, why me? A pale face and leech lover?" He hissed. „What? Weren't you calling me in those names just a few days ago?" Why was I confronting him like this now?

„Do you think I know why?" He sighed. „And what's the point of even wondering why? What's gonna change?"

„Nothing, I guess." I looked away from him. „I just can't understand why it's me. I'm a mess, and everyone knows that. Jake was patient enough to try fixing me, but I'm still broken."

Paul was being quiet, his lips pressed together tightly. It seemed like he was doing his best to hold himself together. That set me off and I got going.

„I mean, I'm not worth your time. Anyone's time. I'm a disaster, I trip over nothing, I'm messy, I mumble a lot and then there's that stupid blush at every little thing. Hell, I'm not even pretty." I stopped to get a breath. „And honestly, I'm just sorry for you, because you got stuck with such a catastrophe."

I heard Paul inhale sharply. I could tell he was pissed. I didn't know what to expect from him at this point. It took me by surprise when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me up fast. He dragged me to the mirror, and turned me to face it.

„Repeat what you just told me."

„I said I'm not worth..."

„If you seriously mean that, you're dumb. And I thought you were smart." I was trying to get away, but he was holding me tight, looking over my shoulder, pressing himself against me. „Look at yourself. You're not quileute, you're a pale face. So what? It just makes your blush look nicer. I'm not a racist, if that's what you're wondering about. And you _are_ pretty. Fuck, I could even tell you you're beautiful if you believed me. Do you really want to be perfect?" He waited for my answer. „Do you?"

I shook my head, swallowing the tears.

„And if that stupid bloodsucker didn't love you, it's not your fault. He's _dead_, you can't rely on a dead guy's opinion. You can hate yourself all you want, but I don't think that's ever gonna bring you any good. You can sit and mope after that leech, but that's not gonna bring him back. Just stop to take a good look at yourself. Maybe you'll see what the others see eventually."

He let me go and went back to sit on the chair. I stood by the mirror.

„Oh, and by the way, don't feel sorry for me. But if you want me to feel less miserable, try to make being with you a little easier."

I didn't answer, I just stood there, looking at myself. I wasn't ugly, but I wouldn't call myself beautiful. I was just an average girl. An average huma. Just a human. With a sigh I went back to sit on the bed.

„Are we done with self pity for today?" Paul asked as I sat down.

I nodded, but that wasn't persuading enough I guess.

He shook his head. „You know, I'm persistent and imprinted, but if you keep behaving this way, even I can lose the wish to be with you."

„What?" I looked up only to meet his chocolate eyes.

„I said, I'm persistent and imprinted and.." He was emphasizing every word.

„No, not that part. Did you just say you want to be with me?"

„Well, yeah." He said that like that was the most obvious thing in the world. „Did you really not see that coming?" He was almost laughing now.

I felt lost. I knew about imprinting and it's consequences, but him saying everything straightly startled me totally. I was being quiet, so Paul spoke again."

„I don't know what _you_ want. And I don't care what you think about yourself. That fucking imprint doesn't give me any options, so I'd have to seize the only opportunity I have. And if this is not something you want, I told you, I _am_ persistent." And he grated me with one of his brilliant grins. „So, what do you think?"

I was confused. Was that his way of starting up a relationship or something? I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with anyone right now, imprinting or not.

„Oh, come on, it's not like I'm fucking proposing to you or anything. I'm not asking you out on a date. I'm not asking you to call me your boyfriend. Fuck, I'm not even asking you to start some kind of wicked relationship. I'm just asking if you would want to try getting over that fucking leech of yours." When he saw me opening my mouth to say something, he stopped me and added. „And yes, I _know _I could get you to forget that fucker. If you just let me." As his smile returned, he said. „It's not like I'm bragging or anything, but I _am_ persistent and imprinted."

I finally smiled back. What he had said made perfect sense. If I was ready to make out with him, why would being with him scare me. It's not like I could lose anything. I turned to my instincts and heard the tiny voice screaming out of it's lungs to agree, to try. As I looked back in his deep eyes, I whispered:

„Yes."

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_Again, sorry for the little cliffie. It seems as if I can't end a chapter without one :D_


	21. Chapter Twenty

**A/N **Thank you guys, you're AWESOME! More than 20 reviews for a chapter is a number I'd never hope for, really! Millions of thanks to you for reading and leaving your comments! I love your reviews :)

* * *

_**Chapter Twenty**_

Paul smiled at me. „Good then."

„Yeah. Look, I.. uhmm, I have some homework to do. Do you mind?"

Still smiling, he put his hands up as if surrendering. „Not at all. Should I go?"

„No!" And then I added calmly. „I mean, I won't be long. Then we can talk or whatever."

„It depends on what you mean by whatever?" Paul asked with a raised eyebrow. I smacked him on the hand. „Okay, okay, just do what you have to do, I'll rest for a moment." He went over to sit in the armchair, and let out a relieved sigh as he made himself comfortable. „Hey, if I snore, just throw a shoe at me or something."

„Deal."

He smiled at me and closed his eyes. When I got up to take my books, I could swear he was already asleep.

Homework took longer than I had expected. There wasn't much to do, but there was a certain someone in my room that took most of my attention. I kept stealing glances in Paul's direction every now and then, and for a few times I caught myself smiling like an idiot. He looked gorgeous in his sleep. I had to say, I was fascinated by the fact that he was sleeping and that I had an opportunity to observe. Usually _I _have been the one who was being watched, it was nice to have things vice versa.

He looked calm and relaxed. I could see the tiniest trail of his temper in the way he furrowed his eyebrows, but that was it. I couldn't believe that just a week ago my opinion on him had been that bad. Paul turned out to be maybe half as bad as I had expected. He wasn't completely nice, and I had to admit – I liked it when he was being rough, that helped me stay in reality, that meant he hadn't changed a lot. I hoped his attitude wouldn't change as things progress, I didn't want to have a babysitter, I needed him to respect my ability to do things on my own, to trust my own decisions and actions. Something, that to my disappointment I had to admit, Edward never did. Wow, I would've never imagined myself as a supporter of tough love.

Love. Did I really know what that was? I guess I did. I loved Edward, even now I did. But, as I had noticed earlier, something had changed about that. There was still great deal of warm feelings towards him, despite what he had done, but it didn't hurt to be thinking of him. I had to admit, I was making up the pain in my head. Because letting him go this easily would mean that it wasn't real, that our love wasn't real. But it was. It just had changed into something I couldn't yet understand.

Finishing my homework, I got up again to put the books on the desk. I was confused. What should I do? We never covered the subject of what should I do when I'm done. We agreed that I'd let him know in case he snores, which I of course didn't do. He looked too nice to wake him up like that. But I had to wake him up somehow. I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that he's somewhere in the dark, close to me. Not that I was afraid of him or something, no, I'd just feel I'm losing an opportunity.

I went over to Paul. Being so close his face looked even more relaxed. I could tell he was having a dreamless sleep. I doubted that I could even wake him. But, well I had to at least give it a shot.

I took one more moment to take a good look at him. I had never looked at him so directly, I was always aware of the fact that he knows I'm staring. Now I could stare all I want. I tried to take a strong and livid picture to remember it later. I had never noticed that he was this beautiful. At this moment he looked more like a Greek god to me than Edward ever did. And that was logical, Greeks weren't pale and sparkling after all. I was afraid to admit it, but picture of Edward kept fading in my mind every single minute. I was worried that it would go away absolutely. And at the same time, I could recall Paul's features clearer, the image of him was fresh and alive in my head.

I fought the urge to run my fingers through his hair. But I couldn't fully resist touching him, so I put my hand on his shoulder to wake him up. His body was so warm, I could feel muscles under his skin. I shook his shoulder and called his name. No reaction.

„Paul!" I called again, this time louder.

A huge smile appeared on his face, it was hard not to smile back. Then his eyes fluttered open. The motion was too quick for me to get the silly grin off my face, and Paul sure noticed that.

„Oggling me in my sleep, aren't we?" He said, still smiling. And I noticed that my hand was still on his shoulder. I rushed to take it away.

Immediately Paul caught my wrist gently. „We both know you like touching me, so you don't have to run away from your opportunities." And he cocked his eyebrows in a way that was meant to be a seductive gesture. It got me giggling and blushing at the same time.

„So, no point of using my talents of seduction yet, huh?" He acted like being insulted.

„Nope." I shook my head seriously, trying not to smile.

„Well, don't worry baby, there's gonna be a time when you'll be drooling all over me and I'll play hard to get." There was the seductive tone again, but this time it got us both laughing. I was happy about getting out of the awkward situation with waking Paul so easily.

After the laughter stopped, we went quiet for a while. It seemed like none of us knew what to say. I was feeling a bit awkward because there we were – me and Paul, the guy who just a week ago seemed like a total asshole, - sitting in my room, late at night. If someone told me this would be happening, I'd tell him to get his head checked. And the weirdest thing was that it didn't feel weird at all. It felt completely normal, as if this is what's supposed to happen. I guessed Paul felt the same way. Or that's what I thought, I couldn't know for sure since I was too much of a chicken to ask him.

I was deep in my thoughts, so Paull getting up sharply startled me. I couldn't quite realize if he's leaving, but I didn't even manage to ask, because in a flash of a moment he hid behind the dresser. A second later Charlie walked in to tell me he's going to sleep. After my goodnights he took one last look at me and closed the door.

Paul walked out of his hiding place with a smile. I guess confusion was still written on my face.

„You didn't think I'm leaving, did you?"

„Well.. Kind of."

He just shook his head in disapproval. „You're not learning at all." I tried to figure out what he meant by that, and tried to ignore the tiny note of sadness in his voice. I decided to start talking, since I didn't want to waste time just sitting around, buried in my own thoughts. Not that I didn't like just being in his comforting presence, I wanted something more. This day had shown that we can have a normal conversation, and I was eager to get to know Paul better. Although it felt like I've known him for ages, there were many things I still wanted to know.

„Hey, can I ask you something?"

„Sure." He said, leaning against the windowsill in the same way I found him when waking into my room previously.

„How come you're not such an asshole anymore?" He cocked his eyebrows in surprise, then a grin appeared on his face.

„I would've never imagined you'd say those words right in my face, I'm impressed." As his grin grew even wider, he added. „I'm imprinted on you, if you haven't noticed. That changes people."

I rolled my eyes. „Thanks for explaining, now everyhting's so clear! I mean, when you first told me you were different. If I remember correctly, you even asked me a permission to hate me. What's changed?"

Paul's face grew serious. „I don't know. I guess I've finally made peace with the fact. I wasn't happy about it at first. I didn't want to give in, I tried to fight it." He sighed. „I guess, I just didn't want to seem weak. To myself. But then it turned out to be easier when I accepted imprinting, let it be a part of me. The wolf talked me into agreeing with him." He said with a smile. I smiled back, though that's not how I felt.

It was nice to hear that Paul had made some peace for himself, but it hurt that I wasn't a part of that. It had nothing to do with me, just his willingness to make his own life easier.

The thought had just appeared across my mind, when Paul added. „And also, I don't know if I should be telling you this considering your wounded ego, but at first I was still hoping you'd be a total mess. Not worth it. Not worth my time, I could say. But then you turned out to be okay. At some point I realized that you _are _worth it. Even with your obsession with leeches." He smiled at me so sincerely, it was hard not to smile back. „So, now, I can officially tell you, that I admit Jacob being right about you since the beginning. Cuz I've always thought he wasted time with you."

At first I didn't know how to feel. The embarassement was mixed with joy. It was hard to hear those harsh words about me, but I was happy he said them. I realized that I liked his honesty. He wasn't trying to be nicer, wasn't trying to hide something from me just to keep me out of getting disappointed. He laid out everything as it was, and I accepted it. Somehow it helped me see myself the way everyone else must see me. A mess. Not worth their time. A nothing. And instead of making me cry, it made me more confident that I could change.

But there was more that I wanted to know.

„When? I mean, when did your opinion change?"

Paul took a moment to think. „I don't know. I guess, something switched when you threw yourself at me on the beach. But I wasn't quite sure before we kissed, that's when I really felt that you're not that damaged. That I could still get you over that bloodsucker." I was not even trying to correct him, I knew by now that there was no use of trying to make Paul refer to Edward differently. „I mean, then I felt something from you towards me, something that gave me hope. And subconsciously I decided to stop being so negative about it, just be myself."

„So, _this_ is the real you?"

„Well, yeah. With some of that sensitive imprinting crap added, this is me. I'm not that bad. An asshole, but not that bad." He said with a sweet smile. „And now I fell that I'm turning into a wuss, I've never been the one with a sweet mouth. And yet now I'm talking, and even thinking, like those other imprinted idiots. Though, they are worse, I have to admit that. Even now that I'm one of them, some of their sugary thoughts can make me gag. Mentally."

I nodded with a smile. „That bad?"

„Totally. It's difficult not to think of your imprint when someone brings her up. And you can imagine what kind of thoughts they are. I mean, since my imprint didn't start off too well, my thoughts are not that bad, I control them. Plus, it's not like we're together, I don't have much to share. But _those_ two.. Sometimes I can't even _look _at Emily or Kim without laughing, because their guys have shown us something spicy. The girls don't like that and it's hilarious to watch those two trying to get out of the situation."

I laughed quietly, though I actually felt like panicking. If me and Paul would ever become a couple, the others would know everything, even _see_ everything? That would be awful, I'd probably end up locking myself in my room just so I don't have to face the pack. And _Jacob_? How would I _ever _face him, if Paul and I become a.. uhm, _something_?

I guess my face displayed my thoughts because I found Paul looking at me amused.

„Once again, I've got to say, I'm impressed. I would've never thought you'd consider us doing something that others don't have to see so soon." As I was about to protest, he made me shut up with a motion of his hand. „I _know_ what you were thinking. That's normal. And I'm flattered, really. But you don't have to worry about that, I'm pretty good at hiding my thoughts." He smiled. „Not _completely_, though." He added with a sly smile.

Stupid pack mind, I said in my head. It only now occurred to me that I've considered having _sex _with Paul, just a moment ago I thought of it and it seemed normal. Now my emotions went haywire. Though the sex was theoretical and unreal, the idea itself seemed realistic. I shook the thought away. I can't start thinking about this now, my head is a mess just with what is happening right now, no need to think about future.

Not quite realizing it, I yawned. I wouldn't have even noticed it if Paul didn't point that it's probably time for him to go and let me go to sleep. I didn't answer because I was desperately trying to find a way to make him stay. Tell him I'm not tired? Yeah, like he'd buy that. Tell him I want to talk more? Or that I'm ready to stay up all night just to spend as much time with him as I can? I shook my head to my own thoughts. Paul noticed.

„What are you thinking about so hard?"

„I.. uhmm.. I just..." Seeing Paul's smiling face startled me. It looked like he knew what I'm thinking about. „What?" I asked, trying to win some time.

„I'm just waiting for you to say the words yourself." Still, that smiling and amused expression on his face. What should I do? Ask a guy I barely know to spend the night? Well, it's not barely, I know him quite enough to trust. But it still seemed... Weird. As I thought about it, I knew I wouldn't feel uncomfortable, I'd probably just feel too comfortable to relax. Could it even be _too_ comfortable? I guess it could, when you're so comfortable it becomes intense. I'd probably be aware of the fact that he's here, with me. And I wouldn't be able to sleep. So the best idea would to let him go. But I wasn't ready.

„I want you to stay." I said, looking at my feet, but somehow I knew he was smiling. I felt my cheeks turn scarlet. If it was dark in here, they'd probably glow. I was nervous while waiting for his answer.

After few moments of silence I heard quiet and simple. „See, you _can_ say what you think." I looked up to meet his eyes. They were calm with a hint of quiet joy.

So, now the problem of Paul going away was solved. What next? I couldn't help but remember the nights Edward spent here, with me. He would just lay next to me and watch me sleep. I knew this wouldn't work with Paul. I can't ask him to stay awake, he needs sleep just like I do, maybe even more. I saw how he was sleeping previously, that was deep and much needed sleep. But how? Should I ask him to go sleep in the armchair? That's awfully uncomfortable. Should _I _go sleep there? Yeah, that wouldn't be weird at all! Thoughts kept spinning in my head when Paul's question rescued me. For I don't know which time today I noticed he was somehow reading my mind and helping me out of uncomfortable situations.

„So, what do you mean by me staying? Should I stand here and watch you sleep or should I go back to the chair or what?"

„No, no watching me sleep, thank you. That's pretty creepy when someone does that." By the way Paul clenched his jaw, I knew he realized who was I talking about. He took a deep breath and tried to hide his shaky voice.

„Okay then, I'll just take the armchair and move it closer." To my questioning look he answered. „If I'm staying here what's the point of me being in the other end of the room?" I nodded, that made perfect sense.

„But won't you be uncomfortable?"

He just smiled. „I've had worse. Slept on a bare ground, so this is not that bad. Plus," he added, „would you be comfortable if I asked you to share the bed?"

I shook my head slowly.

„Thought so." Paul said as he mover the armchair to be next to my bed. „All done. Get under covers, I'll turn off the light."

I did as he said and a moment later the room went dark. My eyes hadn't adjusted yet, but I heard Paul move a chair to put his feet on. A moment later I heard him shuffle to make himself comfortable. He was quiet, so I asked.

„Sleeping?"

„Yes."

I giggled. „If I snore, nudge me or something."

„Yeah, right, like you threw a shoe at me when I snored before?" Damn, how did he know I didn't do that?

„Hey, Paul?"

„What?"

„Thanks."

There was a moment of silence before he spoke. „For what?"

„Everything."

This time there was no answer, but a moment later I felt his hand find mine in the dark. His touch felt so warm and nice. For just a moment I even regretted not asking him to sleep next to me. I shook that off, wrong way of thinking.

The feeling of his hand holding mine was too much for my excited mind, it decided it was time to shut off. The last thing I saw was a pair of warm, yet shiny eyes looking at me from the dark. Lovingly. And a moment later I was gone.


End file.
